


It's for Comfort.

by MaraBella15



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst and Feels, Bullying, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Minimal Age Regression that Centers on comfort more than play., No Slash, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Protective Team, Spencer being a smartass, Spencer needs a hug, Team Feels, Team Fluff, comfort items, fear of the dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:47:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23832613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaraBella15/pseuds/MaraBella15
Summary: After an emotionally charged interview with an unsub Spencer Reid is faced with the realization that his longtime secret could be exposed. Determined to not let that happen, he begins to distance himself from his team, but what he doesn't know yet is that Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner is not going to let that happen. At the BAU, they are more than a team. They are family. Aaron, Rossi, Emily, Morgan, JJ, and Penelope are not about to let him forget that.Because of Spencer's difficult past, he has resorted to using different ways of feeling comfort.Do NOT post my work onto other sites, please! I posted this on 4-25-2020
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & The BAU Team
Comments: 79
Kudos: 310





	1. Chapter 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Authors Note: Hi everyone, so first off, this is my first genuine try at writing a decent fanfiction on here. I do not mind helpful pointers and ideas; however, please don't leave any hateful comments. I'm testing out writing for a hobby as I already read fanfiction to help with my depression.
> 
> Other notes in regards to the story. I do not know how long it will be or how frequently I will post, but I have every intention to finish it if it is liked. I also will not be including any slash between the characters as I am not skilled nor comfortable with writing that at this time. Characters may be OOC at times. POV switches and time skips will be labeled. Chapters may not always be as long as the first. Please do not post my work on other sites. While I do not own anything related to Criminal Minds, this story is something I worked hard creating. It's not the most original idea out there, but I did try my best! I hope you enjoy the story, please kudos and review after if you do!

The case the team was currently working on has been rough on everyone. The team had managed to capture the unsub, but so far, the interrogation had not given the location of the last victim. Joseph Boulder is an electrician from Michigan that had a history of kidnapping and brutally murdering young boys. Whatever place he worked, a boy would conveniently go missing from the area. His current victim Adam Leeds has been missing for 8 hours and counting. In the interrogation room, Special Agent Aaron Hotchner and Dr.Spencer Reid were growing more and more agitated as time passed. Joseph is a difficult unsub. He seemed to understand the concept of baiting him for information, and their efforts so far had been unsuccessful. Joseph was also an unnerving man to be around. Despite the nature of his crimes, he gave the appearance of a calm and analyzing individual that had an uncomfortable predatory stare.

Over the last hour, that predatory stare was becoming more and more focused on Spencer. Aaron having noticed the shift tensed before standing abruptly from the interrogation table. Reid, who didn't expect the sudden movement looked up startled by the action.

"If you will not give us a location, Joseph, then this interview is over," Hotch bellowed as he worked to keep his frustration in check.

"Oh, but Agent Hotchner, it's quite rude to have a conversation full of demands without offering anything in return," Joseph said with a toothy grin, his tongue peeking out for a moment to wet his scaly lips. "I'll tell you what Agent...I will let you know where little Adam is if you give me five questions in return."

Aaron's intense gaze sharpened, but after a moment, the dark-haired man sat back down next to Spencer.

"Why five questions?" Spencer blurted out before Hotch could speak. "What is the significance of the number five, you don't have a pattern of five, and Adam is seven."

Josephs's grin widened. "Well, Agent. Reid, I think the answer to that question will be answered once I receive my answers."

Spencer's brows furrowed, and Hotch's frown deepened. This sudden willingness to give a location for five questions was not something the profile would suggest.

Before Reid could ask any more questions, Hotch had already asked what the first question was.

"My first question is for Agent. Reid," He said, leaning forward,  
"Agent, did your parents abandon you?"

Spencer's eyes widened is a surprise. "Why do you want to know something like that?" He snapped as he felt the old wound deep in his chest, ache. He was conflicted about how he should answer the question. Just what was Joseph getting at? He supposed his mother had unintentionally as her disease rendered her unable to support him in the ways he needed. His father, on the other hand, willingly left him.

"Answer the question." Joseph drawled contently his grin unwavering much like his shark like stare. "It's a simple one, Agent...did, your parents, abandon you?"

"I-I yes..they did in a way .. I suppose." He said with hesitance. He did not like at all where this interview was going and did not want to give more information than necessary. Josephs's reaction to his answer was nauseating enough. It was like the man smelled blood in the water. He could practically see the satisfaction in his cold blue eyes. If Josephs's intentions were to watch him squirm or to stall them, he was uncertain of which it was.

"Did you ever go out and play like all the other kid's Agent?" Joseph asked or more like purred at Reid.

"That's enough!" Aaron basically shouted, looking furious before turning to Spencer. "You don't have to answer him. this interview is over."

"What can't let the man answer such a simple and harmless question?...not even for little Adam?" Joseph taunted the Unit Chief.

"No..no Hotch, I can handle a few questions..for Adam," Spencer said with a slightly shaky breath. Adam has been missing for long enough, and if answering some uncomfortable questions brought him home quicker, then he was going to grit his teeth and continue. He couldn't bear the thought of Adam hidden somewhere scared and alone wondering if he would ever see his parents again. Joseph was sadistic, and it was in his profile that he would keep his victims tied up in a dark basement, knowing it would scare the children further. Spencer did not like the dark. "No, I didn't. I preferred being alone."

"preferred, or were you bullied?" Joseph asked without hesitation.

Spencers could feel his finger tics starting up as he began tapping the table slightly. "I..was bullied." He managed to grit out.

He hated talking about his past. Memories of his father leaving him to be his mother's caretaker as her illness ravaged her mind. Thoughts about that time in his life were like a gaping wound in his chest. The bullying added to the memories was like a knife that was twisting in that wound. Times like this where what reminded him of how much having an eidetic mind was like a double-edged sword. His memory often helped him in many instances, but there were still times like this where he could remember with intense clarity the things he wished he could forget. Things like his mother's unresponsive eyes as he tried to feed her half-cooked macaroni he managed to make by pushing a box in front of the stovetop. The feeling of his father's warm hand ruffling his hair before he walked out the door for the last time. The many taunts and fists that were thrown at him for being the smart freak in school.

"Final question, Agent," Joseph said, his eyes taking on an almost excited shine. "Why do you always carry your bag with you?"

That question threw spencer for a loop. It was drastically different from his previous questions. His mind had raced to try and understand why such a simple question was asked, but by the time he realized why he asked the question, he had already blurted out the first answer that came to mind. "Because its important to me," The chill of absolute horror raced down the spencer's spine as he finally made the connection in his mind. _'No-no no-no he could not possibly know about that...he can't'_ He was sure his face had gone pale, and Hotch's concerned look in his direction only confirmed his suspicions.

"Thank you for your honesty, kid..." Joseph said gleefully and even let out a laugh at the concerned and confused look on Agent Hotchner's face.

His satisfaction was short-lived; however, as an angry Agent Reid suddenly grabbed him by his collar. "I played your stupid game...WHERE IS ADAM!" He shouted. Spencer's paleness had reddened into pure anger.

"23 west baker street," Joseph laughed as Agent Hotchner pulled the furious Agent away from him. "Oh, kid, I'm surprised they haven't figured it out yet." Joseph laughed as Agent Reid launched at him again before being physically removed from the room.

Joseph leaned back and waited to be taken away. His smile remained, considering he could take one last enjoyment in knowing he had just sturred up one of the best teams of the BAU.

**.............Hotch...**

Later the team was once again in the air on the way home. Hotch and everyone were definitely feeling the exhaustion that came with a difficult case. The tense atmosphere in the jet, however, was almost suffocating. Noone had expected Spencer to react the way he did during the interrogation. His anger at the personal questions was understandable; yet, his explosion of aggression when asked about his bag was confusing to everyone. Reid had shocked them all with his complete change in demeanor after the interview.

Hotch tried to ask him about the sudden aggression but was only answered with 'I don't want to talk about it...isn't it enough that we found Adam'. For the time being, he dropped it, but the question was already in his mind ' whats going on with Spencer?'. Something was wrong; that was for sure.

Almost immediately after getting on the jet, Spencer had distanced himself from everyone, and after some time, he fell asleep with his head resting on his bag. The coffee he had in a thermos untouched next to him. Hotch couldn't help but think when spencer was asleep, it seemed like the tall man looked much smaller than he really was. Hotch pulled his gaze away and sighed. He wanted to know what had triggered the unusual response from his youngest team member. He would have questioned if he was using again, but he had not seen any of the telling signs.

"I can hear the gears in your head turning from here," Rossi said softly while moving to the seat across from him. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm concerned about Reid...about his actions earlier." He admitted.

"I think we are all concerned, Aaron...something Joseph said triggered that anger..the question is what." Rossi said lowly. "It was like he changed once he answered the last question...like he realized something in his head."

Hotch thought back to the conversation. He remembered Reid answering the questions uncomfortably until the last one where he suddenly looked as if he had seen a ghost. "He got really pale at the last question...I remember looking at him, and he looked like he was going to be sick."

"Joseph also began referring to Spence as a kid."

Hotch and Rossie looked over at Derek, who was apparently not asleep and listening in to their conversation. "He said he was surprised we hadn't figured it out, but what was there to figure out?..he just asked about Reid's bag," Derek said, looking as confused as they felt.

"Could be something in his bag...but we are not going to invade his privacy by looking," Hotch said, seeing both nod their heads agreement. As curious as they where there were still boundaries that should not be crossed.

"Man...I feel weird talking about him while he's asleep over there," Derek said suddenly with a sad look. "But he really is acting off..."  
With that said, they stayed quiet for the remainder of the flight.

**.................One week later......**   
**....Hotch...**

Back at the BAU, things had been tense since the boulder case. The strange behavior from Reid seemed to be increasing. Spencer was withdrawing more than ever and seemed to be trying to limit contact with all of them. He was keeping all communication to a minimum. The only person who Reid made an effort to talk to was Garcia, who he sometimes visited to ask if he could have one of her many candies she kept on her desk.

He didn't give his random bits of information like usual, and his coffee intake also seemed to fluctuate to not drinking any all day to drinking coffee nonstop. Another thing the team noticed was that Spencer would not put down his bag more than usual. He kept it on wherever he went, and when Emily and JJ asked him about it, he just walked off and made a point to ignore them. He didn't even respond to Morgan, who tried teasing him about taking it with him to the bathroom. His behavior was alarming to the profilers and was getting out of hand. By the end of the week, Hotch had to call a meeting in his office to address the issue. When Spencer didn't show up, it was the last straw. Aaron could not let this continue any longer. He looked at all the concerned faces of his team and forced his disappointment in Spencer's absence down to address them all.

"Okay, I think we all know why I asked for a meeting, and since Spencer is not present, I think I speak for everyone when I say we have to find out what's causing him to act out." Hearing his team's agreement, he continued. "His behavior has everyone on edge, and if anyone has any ideas on how to approach him without making him feel like we are cornering him, feel free to share."

After a few moments of contemplation, Penelope was actually the first to speak up. "Why don't we all go out together for dinner and bring it up then? We haven't had a relaxing evening together in a while, and he might feel more comfortable with talking?"

"That's actually a good idea, Garcia!" Emily said excitedly, " what better way to get someone to open up than with good food and wine!"

"Babygirl knows I'm always down for a good dinner and drinks," Derek added with a wink to Garcia.

"Spencer might feel embarrassed to talk in a public setting." Rossi piped in, but seeing the three's excitement deflate, he quickly added. "However, I do make a mean lasagna, and I have plenty of wine at my home. What about a more private dinner at my place Saturday?"

At Rossi's offer, the excited chatter picked up again, and Hotch nodded. "Sounds good, David. Saturday, it is."

"And Hotch, don't worry about pretty boy showing up this time. I'll make sure he comes!" Morgan said as he wrapped an arm around an excited Garcia who was trying to convince Rossi to let her bring some homemade cookies to the dinner.

**.........Saturday Evening......**

**.....Reid.....**

Spencer did not know how he let Morgan convince him to have dinner with everyone at Rossi's. Even more frustrating was that Morgan insisted on driving Reid, so he knew he would have to stay at Rossi's till Derek was ready to go home. In the passenger seat, Spencer had done his best to make a small conversation with Morgan, but he couldn't bring himself to talk much. He felt drained, and the ache in his chest hadn't diminished. He was aware he most likely made a pathetic sight. While he had dressed up in his nicer clothes for Rossi's dinner with his dark purple button-down and black slacks, the dark bags under his eyes where unsightly against his pale face.

It was becoming difficult to socialize with the team because he felt absolutely exposed after his encounter with Joseph. The man had seen what Reid had hidden since he was twenty. He had hidden it well for six years, and to have such apparent hints dropped to his team that was filled with some of the best profilers was terrifying. From his observations this week, he didn't think they knew, but the thought of them finding out was terrifying. He didn't want the team seeing him as even more of a freak than he already felt he was. At that thought, his arms unconsciously clutched his bag closer to his chest.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Morgan stopped in front of Rossi's home. _'More like a mansion,'_ his thoughts corrected. Everyone knew Rossi had a lot of money, but seeing his house in person was still impressive. The Italian style architecture of the outside was definitely Rossi's taste, he noted as they made their way inside.

"Reid, Morgan, glad you could make it." Rossi greeted as he finished setting up the table.

Despite the anxious queasiness he had felt in the car Spencer suddenly felt very hungry after smelling the meal Rossi had prepared. Joining everyone at the table with a new sense of enthusiasm, he began adding to their small talk. Unknown to him, his willingness to communicate had nearly everyone letting out a mental sigh of relief.

"Bon Appetit," Rossi announced as he set the lasagna alongside the side dishes in the center of the table for everyone to serve themselves.

After making his plate, Spencer did not hesitate to take a bite. If the smell of the food was enticing before the taste of the lasagna was like heaven. He never really ate very much, but after the first bite, he knew he would most likely get seconds. _'Let it be noted that Rossi is a damn good cook,'_ He thought with amusement in his mind. His thoughts were mirrored as he heard several complements to Rossi from the others.

"Pretty boy, you don't have to inhale the food; there's plenty more," Teased Morgan as he filled up Spencers wine glass.

Spencer only huffed an embarrassed laugh as he felt his cheeks heat up. He hadn't realized he was eating so fast, and he started to pace himself.

"Leave him alone, Derek; he can't help it...that's genuine homemade Italian lasagna," Rossie said with a satisfied smile on his face.

Spencer could feel his cheeks heat up more, but relaxed at the somewhat fond look on Davids's face. He took a sip of his wine and found it sweeter than he usually had and hummed in approval. _'Yes, let it be noted Rossi has the best dinners.'_

**..............After Dinner...**

**....Reid.....**

After dinner, the group settled down in the living room to relax. Feeling full and filled with the comforting warmth of the wine, Reid didn't mind waiting till Morgan was ready to leave. The dimmed lights of the room and the pleasant chatter with everyone felt nice. He hasn't realized he missed being with everyone until now, and he felt a small wave of sadness. Before he could think more about that feeling, his thoughts were interrupted again when he heard someone say his name.

"What?" He answered a bit flustered when he realized everyone seemed to be waiting for him to speak.

"I asked how you have been doing this week?" JJ said again, kindly. "You have seemed stressed, and we have been worried about you."

"I-I'm fine," He said, feeling caught off guard and flustered. His fingers twitched towards where his bag usually sat by his side, but he realized he had set it down by the door when he arrived. He cringed internally, and anxiously took another larger drink of his wine. By the look on JJ's face, he knew she didn't believe him.

"You sure? We know the last case was rough on you," Emily voiced her concern.

"You also don't seem to talk much except to get some candy from my desk...not that I mind!" Garcia added with a little playfulness in hopes of lightening the mood.

"Yea...I-i guess it's been a rough week..sorry about that guys." He heard himself. However, his internal monologue was shouting at him to shut up and get out of there now. His hand had a mind of its own, it seems, and he took another drink of his wine and tried his best to avoid eye contact. _'Please drop it guys...please'._

**...............Rossi.....**

Rossi enjoyed seeing Reid relax during the meal. It had been nice to hear him chattering almost like himself again when he had started rambling about the creation and origins of the dish David had made. However, the moment they moved to the living room, he knew that calm and relaxed expression wouldn't last. The moment the questions came..however lightly..Spencer began getting tense. He shared a look with Aaron, who had also noticed. Not being the kind of man to beat around the bush, he decided enough was enough.

"Look Spencer we are all worried about you because you have been acting off all week...we noticed you avoiding us since the last case..Whats going on?" Rossi wasn't sure what reaction he would receive, but when he saw how quickly Spencer got up, he began second-guessing his decision.

**..........Spencer...**

"Look Spencer we are all worried about you because you have been acting off all week...we noticed you avoiding us since the last case..Whats going on?"

He couldn't do this. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, and everything felt like too much. Too many questions and he couldn't answer them, not truthfully. He didn't even know he was moving until he was at the front door, grabbing his bag. Before he could turn, though, a hand was clutching his wrist, begging him to come back and talk, but he didn't want to. It was too much. If he spoke, he was scared they would analyze him more and realize precisely how much of a freak he was.

It might have been the wine hindering his movements or the panic; he would wonder later, but the moment he yanked his arm away, he knew he had messed up. He saw the latch on his bag was open and froze when the contents came tumbling out.

**......Hotch...**

He hadn't meant to grab spencer's wrist. He had just been desperate to keep the younger man from running off, but the moment he saw Spencer freeze, he knew something had happened. The sound of items falling to the floor had him looking down.

Among a few loose pieces of paperwork where a small grey rabbit stuffed animal and a small children's storybook. The confusion that overtook him was an understatement of the century, and he dropped his hand from the young man's wrist.

It seemed like everyone was frozen at that moment, but before anyone could speak. Spencer was shoving the items back into his bag and left the house. He would have followed immediately had he not seen the look of pure terror on the other man's face.

The room seemed to snap out of it in the next moment as everyone's questions came rushing out.

" A toy?"

"Why would he have a kid's book?"

"Spence doesn't have kids...does he?"

"Guys...stop...just stop for a minute." Hotch managed to get out after shaking off his surprise. Apparently, those items had been the source of the current issues, and he was determined as a team leader and as a friend to get to the bottom of it.

"Sir...I think I know why Spencer ran off..." Garcia said quietly. "Um, but before I say... and it's just a hunch... and I don't know if this is something you guys as profilers are aware of, but what do you know about Spencer?" She asked slowly.

"Well, he's 26 and doesn't always look after himself...he's scrawny as a stick and drinks his body weight in coffee." Morgan chimed in. Emily smacked him and sighed before adding, " He's shy, but he tries to hide it... He's self-conscious."

"He has an attachment to his bag...well now that we saw what's inside...I suppose he's attached to the stuffed rabbit and book?" JJ said.

"But the Rabbit looks relatively new, and so does the book...I don't think its a childhood keepsake," Added Rossi." And the book is significantly low level in reading...Spencer has been reading advanced books since he was little."

"He's always looking for approval after cases, and even for small things...He is sensitive to reprimands and when he has disappointed one of us." Hotch said as he began to piece the information together. "He often holds himself in a self-soothing gesture when stressed or holds his bag."

"He comes into my office sometimes when he's upset to get some candy...his favorites are lollipops, and he holds himself while eating them," Garcia said quietly. "M-My guess is that spencer...he's never really had strong adult figures when he was young...and the bullying and push to skip things a typical child would do...made him grow up too fast....he never got to enjoy the little things..." She swallowed and cast a nervous look at all of them. "I have heard of it somewhere before, but I think he may unintentionally or ...intentionally age regress...to deal with stress."

Hotch considered what she said, and it seemed like everything was clicking into place. It made sense...a lot of sense. By the solemn looks of everyone else, they had come to the same conclusion.

"Oh...p-poor Reid," said JJ. Her sadness was written all over her face as she looked to be holding back tears.

"He was afraid of this exact situation...that his secret would be found out...that's why he pushed us away," Rossi said heavily as he sat back in his chair.

"He should know that I- that we would not have thought less of him!" Morgan said with a bit of anger and sadness.

"Put yourself in his position Derek...would you feel comfortable having to tell us this?" Snapped Hotch. His stern gaze effectively stopping Morgan's anger before it grew. " We don't know how much he actually trusts us or what exactly he's going through. All we can do is find him and assure him that just because we know doesn't mean we think differently about him."

"I don't think we have to look far...he's outside at the far end of the driveway." Said Rossi as he looked out the window.

**...........Spencer......**

He had only made it close to the end of the driveway before he stopped and sat down. _'Breathe...Breathe in and out...don't panic...don't panic..not here'_ he thought to himself as he worked to prevent a panic attack. _'think of things you can sense...the cold and hard asphalt of the driveway, the lingering smell of rain from the showers earlier today, the sound of crickets in the grass.'_ He felt himself shuddering, and he bit back a sob. _'Think of facts yeah...The average person eats almost 1,500 pounds of food a year. The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times a year. There are 2,500,000 rivets in the Eiffel Tower.....and it is 11:45 pm, and I'm at the end of Rossi's driveway trying not to cry because I'm pathetic...'_

"Why...why do I have to screw everything up." He half sobbed with his head in his arms. His bag clutched close to his chest.

"Spencer...you didn't screw everything up...please come back inside."

The moment he heard Aaron's voice, he began to sob harder. _'Look at what I did!... I made Hotch...My BOSS..come outside and get me like some little kid! What the hell is wrong with me?'_

"I-I'm s-sorry Hotch...for making you come outside..." He said shakily as he tried to wipe all the tears away and compose himself. _'As if whatever dignity I had isn't already gone.'_

"You didn't make me come out here, Spencer...I want to help you" Aarons's voice above him sounded diffrent.. tired and pained. "We care about you Spencer and if you think this makes us think of you differently then your wrong...-"

"It makes me weak Hotch...pathetic and childish...a freak!" Gasped Spencer as he held himself tighter. "How can anyone look at me the same after knowing I have to comfort myself in such a freakish way?!"

He heard a long sigh and the sound of movement above him. Thinking Hotch was giving up to go back inside, he felt another small sob break free. To his wonderment, though, he felt two solid and warm arms wrap around him in a hug.

He couldn't control the next sob that broke free from his trembling body. Aaron Hotchner of the FBI...His stern boss...was sitting on Rossi's driveway..pristine suit and all..holding him as he sobbed.

**.........Aaron...**

It was a long moment before either of them spoke. The only noise in the dark driveway being Reid's harsh sobs and the sound of crickets in the grass. He knew he would have grime on his suit, but honestly, it was the least of his concerns. The way Spencer had reacted to his hold struck a chord deep in his chest. The absolute anguish in the sobs that followed after. He couldn't help wondering when was the last time Reid got a hug from anyone. He knew they sometimes patted his arm in praise or nudged him, but when was the last genuine hug.

The only one that came to his mind was after Tobias. He felt his heart clench painfully. Aside from them, the single contact Spencer really had with anyone was with his mother, and Reid had been too busy to see her lately. He felt Spencer's sobs lessen, and he finally broke the silence.

"Spencer...I know you might not believe me yet, but we really do care about you. Not just because you are our team member, we care because you're our friend...your part of our family."

Aaron gently released Spencer to get him to look at him. The tear-streaked face and reddened eyes made Hotch's breath catch. Reid reminded him so much of Jack after a nightmare. The thought alone made his heartache even more.

" Spence...Please let us help you...you don't have to hide from us."

Spencer seemed to stare at him for a long moment before nodding. He may not have been able to speak at the moment, but the nod meant at least his words had been heard. Carefully Aaron stood again and helped the younger man get back on his feet.

"Let's go back inside okay..it's been a long night, and Rossi said we could stay. He has plenty of room, so let's get warmed up, okay?"

He saw Spencer nod again, and he smiled sadly. It was small, but it was progress, and he could work with that.

**........Rossi...**

By the time Aaron and Spencer made their bay back to the house, everyone was finishing up cleaning the dinner table. They had wanted to make themselves busy while Hotch went to console Reid. Seeing Reid walk in looking so disheveled and teary-eyed broke all their hearts, but as Rossi told them earlier, they didn't pressure Spencer into talking. Eventually, they each wandered off to one of Rossi's guest rooms for the night. Spencer didn't seem to want to leave Hotch's side the entire time until, with some persuasion, he allowed Rossi to led him to a guest room.

"Thank y-you Rossi," He heard the quiet man say before he shut the bedroom door.

"anytime.." He murmured back before returning to the living room. On the couch, Aaron looked up with a pained smile. "did he go to the room, alright?"

"Yes"

"Good..." Aaron said, looking worn and contemplative.

"I can hear the gears in your head turning again Aaron," Rossi said with a chuckle as he refilled his wine glass as well as the glass of the younger man across from him. "Tell me what your thinking."

Taking a sip from his refilled glass, Hotch replied: "I think that if we all try at once to help him, he's going to panic."

"I think you already had an answer for that when you decided to go after him Aaron...are you sure you can take the bulk of the responsibility?" Rossi asked seriously.

"Yes!"

Rossi smiled at the immediate response from the Unit Chief and took a sip of his own wine. "Then I have no doubts everything will go well... I know he looks up to you and me the most, but it's not a secret; he has always looked for your approval."

"I know..." Aaron said fondly as he thought of the young genius. After Gideon left, he had done his best to fill the void that his abrupt absence left. He knew how much Reid needed the strength at that time, and he had been rewarded with the young profiler's smiles and excited persona every time he praised his accomplishments in the field. He didn't deny to himself that he was protective of Reid, and being his support right now felt right.

With that in mind, he and Rossi continued to drink their wine, and talk about the road ahead.

**...............**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You think I’d do that to you?” He asked just as softly and seeing the sharp nod and trembling lip his heart just about shattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had a lot of musical inspiration, and I highly suggest listening to the songs I listed in the story. They really set the scene!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the Update!
> 
> Edit: I noticed some typing errors so I fixed them but no worries the next update will be coming soon!

**........Reid...**

"Thank y-you Rossi," He stammered out before quickly shutting the door behind him.

With his back leaning heavily against the door Reid winced at how rude he was being. He honestly didn't mean to be such a coward and hide away the moment he got a chance. It was just overwhelming that his entire team knew he kept such childish items.

Feeling guilty, Spencer carefully turned and pressed his ear to the door in an attempt to hear if he had upset the man, but the only sound through the dense wood was Rossi's retreating footsteps. Resting his forehead against the door Spencer considered if he should go apologize, but what would he say? _‘Sorry Rossi for ruining your dinner and crying in your driveway?’_ He would just have to make up for his rude behavior tomorrow when he worked up enough courage to exit the room and face everyone. Apologizing now would only make him look even more pitiful.

With much effort, Spencer pushed himself away from the door and took a moment to really look at the room he was in. Much like the rest of the house, the dark wood of the furniture was complemented by the warm cream color of the walls, heavy maroon curtains, worn bronze fixtures, and old Tuscany style decor. Despite the room having no personal touches the overall feel was very cozy for a guest room. 

Reid moved across the room and was pleasantly surprised to find that the second door held a small guest bathroom. Carefully setting down his bag by the nightstand, he quickly went to use the bathroom and get ready for bed. Reluctant as he was to get undressed, he wanted to be comfortable sleeping.

Had he known he was going to stay the night, he would have had the foresight to pack his usual change of nightclothes _'not that he would have intended to stay'_ but alas he would have to sleep in his boxers.

Feeling awkward, he hung his now wrinkled clothes on one of the hooks in the bathroom before walking to the sink to wash his face. The lukewarm water was a gentle relief against his face and neck and the soft hand towel he used to dry off was far more delicate and soft than the ones he had at home. Lifting his head, he caught a glance in the mirror and flushed in embarrassment at his red puffy eyes.

 _'I look like a tall angsty high school kid,'_ He thought with a frown before exiting the bathroom. The exhaustion he felt was catching up with him, and he wasted no time clicking on a bedside lamp before turning off the overhead light. Once he was comfortably tucked under the thick sheets, he was pleasantly surprised yet again by how plush the bed was.

A few moments passed with him happily snuggling beneath the warm weight of the blankets before the silence of the room got his mind thinking again. In the dimmed lights of the room, Spencer couldn't help debating the idea of pretending the unpleasant events of this evening never happened. As much as he wished the dinner had ended smoothly, the statistics of his team going along with his denial was slim to none. 

The consuming guilt Spencer felt for ruining such a lovely evening was eating him up inside. Scenarios of how differently things could have gone if he had just made sure his bag was closed kept running through his mind. It would be foolish to think that the team would let the situation drop. 

Letting out a frustrated grunt Spencer covered his head with a pillow. As tired as he was, he couldn't get his brain to stop thinking about what happened. He peaked at the bedside clock from underneath the pillow, and let out a muffled groan. It was already 3 am and he couldn't rest despite how comfortable the bed was. He glared at the time before his gaze drifted downwards and settled on his bag leaning against the nightstand. _'You don't need it, Spencer...just use your iPod,'_ He thought glumly as he reached down and opened his bag. Digging around he felt the cool metal of the music device and grabbed it along with his headphones. Quickly untangling the pesky wires he began scrolling through songs before settling on one he liked. Headphones in his ears he shut his tired eyes and tried again to drift off into sleep, but the nagging at the back of his mind wouldn’t shut off. After tossing and turning several times, he finally gave in and pulled his small rabbit from the bag and into the sheets with him. _'At least I'm not rooming with anyone,'_ He thought tiredly before he was finally pulled into sleep. The stuffed animal cuddled protectively in his arms and the iPod playing softly in his ears.

**( Song 'Lost Boy' By: Ruth B.)**

**.......The next morning.....**

**.......Reid...**

Spencer awoke to an intense beam of daylight shining on his face. Yawning he stretched and pulled his headphones from his ears and ran weary fingers through his ruffled hair. Still drowsy he stood and walked over to the curtains to close the gap the sunlight was beaming from. It took a while for the sleepy man to become fully awake and aware of his surroundings, but when memories of the night before came trickling back he promptly plopped back onto the bed with a groan. 

"Why couldn't it just have been a dream.," he whined aloud to the empty room. Fresh anxiety was already humming in his veins as he forced himself to get off the bed and get ready for the day. 

Without the worry of anyone seeing him, he carried his bunny to the bathroom and sat it on the sink while he got dressed. After he was done, he brought it back into the room and held it against his chest and tried to gain control of his growing unease. The softness of the plushies fur was soothing in his palms, and he pulled it up to his cheek and sighed. His tense muscles relaxing the more he snuggled. If he was being honest with himself, he didn't want to put it back in his bag. 

**……..**

Spencer had never intended for such a dinky little toy to become something he relied on so heavily. The stuffed animal hadn’t even been intended to be his. Reid had actually bought the stuffed animal as a gift for an old college professor who liked the small animals. However, what had been intended as a gift ended up being an object Reid was unable to give away. He remembered feeling perplexed and embarrassed for weeks when he realized he couldn't part with the stuffed bunny. There was something about the softness of the plush and its simplistic appearance that just drew him in. It had been a very distressing thought for him when he began anxiously reaching for it more and more. He was so alarmed that he had very briefly entertained the idea that it was possessed before the logical part of his mind dismissed the silly notion. 

Worried about his increasing dependence, Reid began researching and eventually learned his sudden attachment to the toy was because he was feeling urges to regress to a time when things seemed more simple. The toy had triggered a strong need for comfort he hadn't realized he had. The day Spencer had bought the stuffed toy, he hadn't thought much about it, but it had actually been the first one he had ever owned.

Diana Reid had noticed Spencer was different early on, and while she had gotten him some toys and blocks, he had never truly had a stuffed animal. Most of his childhood was spent reading with his mother or studying. Spencer had tried to act like the 'normal kid' his father wanted. He even attempted playing sports he didn't like, but his mother knew he was unhappy and kept encouraging him to spend more time with her. Eventually, his toys were slowly replaced with textbooks, and at the age of ten, they were gone just like his father.

Replacing the remainder of his childhood was all the responsibilities William Reid left him.

After the plushie, a few years would pass before he obtained the children's book. The book, while less essential than the stuffed animal, was his first conscious indulgence. He had been looking for baby shower gifts when he first spotted it. The bright colors and cartoon drawings of the fairytale book had captured his attention immediately. He remembered looking at his shopping basket full of gifts for JJ and figured the cashier wouldn't question his purchase.

He had quickly taken the book from the shelf, and the excitement he felt as he paid for it had him grinning the entire drive home. There was a part of him that felt ridiculous for getting so excited, but it hadn't been strong enough to stop him from laying on the carpet of his apartment happily flipping the brightly colored pages. After the book, he became too nervous to get more things if he couldn't easily hide them, but that didn't stop his developing urges for comfort. 

Some time passed after the book and after working a severe case, he had gone home extremely upset and on the verge of tears. Cuddling his bunny wasn't helping like it usually did when he was trying to prevent a meltdown. In his emotional state, Spencer had felt a sudden urge to pull his thumb to his mouth which shocked him into a full-blown panic attack. After the episode, he made sure he bought plenty of lollies to keep stored in his apartment in case he felt the urge again. The candy felt better than entirely giving in to the urge, and after some time, he actually began to prefer the lollies. He even enjoyed buying different kinds of cartoon shapes. If he felt an urge at work, he was lucky enough that Penelope had a sweet tooth and had plenty of candies. After several visits to dig in her candy stash for lollies, she eventually put out a big jar full of them.

**…….**

Reluctantly Spencer put his plush away in his bag. Taking a deep breath to steady himself he finally left the room to see if everyone else was awake. It was 8 in the morning and he wasn’t sure if anyone had slept in. 

Halfway down the hall, he could hear voices and movement in the kitchen, and before he could fully step out of the hallway JJ had suddenly rounded the corner and bumped into him. 

“Oh my, I’m sorry I was just about to wake you up for breakfast!” She said with a laugh and gently pulled him to the dining area where Hotch and Rossi were setting the table. Before he could say anything a rather enthusiastic Morgan walked over.

“Glad you got pretty boy to join us JJ because man this food smells amazing!” Morgan crowed happily as he pulled Spencer with one arm over to the table with everyone else.

Spencer felt startled by the half embrace and let out a little laugh before finding his seat at the table. When he had woken up this morning he had definitely not expected everyone to act so casually. 

“These guys could open some kind of restaurant together,” Emily said playfully, causing everyone to laugh and Spencer huff in amusement when Hotch and Rossi simultaneously shared a look of exasperation. 

“Alright..alright enough of that….dig in everyone!” Rossi announced causing Morgan to whoop and start another round of giggles. 

Hotch ended up taking a seat next to him, and Spencer felt a small flutter of embarrassment. Looking down at his plate he wondered how out of everyone the man who saw him break down could look so relaxed and unbothered. He might have wondered if imagined the events of last night had he not had an eidetic memory.

 _'Maybe he wishes it didn’t happen…'_ slightly troubled by the thought he didn't realize he hadn't moved to fill his plate yet.

**…….Hotch…..**

Aaron wanted to roll his eyes at Morgans and Emily’s antics, but the small chuckle he heard from Reid made him smile. They were all on the same page to not overwhelm Spencer and he was grateful that his team was so understanding. 

Filling his plate with pancakes he looked over at the young man and noticed he hadn’t reached for anything yet. If anything the man was now looking a little down. Without a second thought, he switched his filled plate with Reid’s empty one. The sudden action causing Reid to look at him in surprise and he only winked in response to the genius before refilling the empty plate. Aaron watched the other's puzzled expression out of the corner of his eye and after a moment the young man began to thankfully eat the pancakes he was given.

Content that the young profiler was eating Hotch focused on his own breakfast and enjoying the morning with his team.

**….After breakfast**

**...Hotch...**

After everyone ate and thanked Rossi they all began heading out to enjoy the rest of their Sunday. Since Haley had Jack today Aaron offered to drive Spencer back to his apartment for Morgan. 

Looking at the passenger seat he could see the young man doing his best to appear as small as possible in presumable hopes of being ignored, but he wasn't about to have that. As nonchalant as he had been during breakfast when everyone was around, a quiet drive was perfect to start a conversation.

"How are you feeling?" 

"Okay," Spencer replied in a voice that sounded far too casual in comparison to his demeanor.

“you know...It’s okay, it’s just you and me now...you can tell me if you’re not” he encouraged. After yesterday he really didn't want the kid to start closing himself off again, but the minutes of silence that followed made him unsure if Spencer was going to reply at all. 

Reid looked to be in deep thought. His mouth opening a few times as if he was going to say something then quickly changing his mind until he was finally able to speak.

  
  


"I-I don't know.," Spencer said with a slight waver in his voice. His long arms protectively crossed over his chest. " I guess I'm just confused"

"What are u confused about?"

"You," Reid said with his brows scrunched up in thought "I-...why aren’t you upset with me?"

He had a feeling during breakfast that Spencer was confused by their causal demeanor and glancing at Reid his suspicions where confirmed. If anything he was concerned that Spencer still thought he should be upset with him.

"Why would I be upset with you?... you didn’t do anything wrong-"

"But I caused a scene and ran off in front of everyone!" Spencer interrupted with an exasperated huff. "I made everyone uncomfortable and I made you come after me-"

"Reid-"

"I made you sit on the ground with me while I cried like a baby-"

"Reid Stop-"

"And I was rude to Rossi! I-I was-"

"SPENCER" 

The younger man's mouth snapped closed at his authoritative tone.

He felt bad for shouting, but he had to stop Spencer before he worked himself into a panic attack. He didn’t say a word until he was able to find a spot to pull over. Once the distraction of driving was out of the way Hotch turned in his seat to look at Spencer fully. 

Reid's cheeks were flushed and his eyes were glossy with unshed tears. His breathing was erratic and his lower lip was trembling from the strain of trying to not completely lose it. 

"I'm sorry I shouted…I just want you to breathe and listen to me ok?" He said kindly but sternly to make sure Spencer wouldn’t interrupt him again. He waited till he saw Spencer take a few deep breaths before continuing.

“I'm not upset with you...there’s nothing to be upset with...I told you yesterday that I came after you because I wanted to...you didn’t make me.”

Seeing Reid look down with huff he continued.

"I meant it when I said that no one thinks differently about you...you don't have to put on a brave face all the time...its okay to not always be okay."

“But things are different now,” Reid said softly. His shoulders slumped defeated position and Aaron felt a pang of sadness. "Hotch I'm 26...I-I shouldn't be like this...I know you guys are trying to pretend things are normal, and I wish I was...but I’m not...and everyone knows that...how can I go back to work tomorrow with everyone and you worried I can’t do my job.”

He considered Spencer’s words for a moment. It was true he would be keeping a closer eye on him, but that didn’t mean he thought Reid couldn’t do his job properly. Up until last week, he had been doing just fine. Reaching a hand forward he gently lifted Reid’s chin so he could look at him properly. 

“Your right about things being different,” He said just as softly, and when he saw a flash of resigned fear in the younger man’s eyes he carefully continued. “But different doesn’t always have to be a bad thing...I have no doubts you can do your job properly”

He gave Spencer a small smile and held the thin chin a bit more firmly when he tried to move away in embarrassment. “What will change is that I expect you to talk to me when your upset, and not repeat your actions from this last week okay?” He lightly chastizes before finally released his chin.

“Yes Sir…” Reid replied blushing in renewed embarrassment.

“Good now let’s get you home,” Hotch said with a warm smile.

**………….**

**….Reid…..**

The rest of the ride had been in comfortable silence and shortly after they were pulling up to his apartment complex.

“Thank you for the ride Hotch..” He said as he unbuckled and climbed out of the parked vehicle. 

“No problem and spencer..?”

He paused and looked at his Unit Chief.

“You have my number call or text me anytime okay?” His boss said with an expression that he couldn’t discern. 

“I will..”

“Good” and with that, he closed the door and Hotch left.

Letting out a contemplative hum he hurriedly made his way into his apartment. While the morning had started out sunny the overhead clouds began darkening with the promise of more rain.

Inside his apartment, he felt the familiar ease of being alone. Normally the silence was comforting, but at the moment it felt a little lonely. Flipping on the lights he went to take a proper shower. 

Spencer quickly undressed and balled up his clothes from the night before. The wrinkled bundle tossed in his hamper before starting the shower. When the temperature was right he stepped under the warm spray, a pleased sigh escaping his lips. Massaging shampoo into his long hair he allowed himself to fully relax. Humming a song under his breath he finished his shower peacefully. 

Once clean he shut off the water and wrapped up in one of his long towels. Funnily enough, it was a StarWars themed one he got from Morgan on his birthday. With a tune still on his breath, he went to his closet and pulled out a pair of grey sweats and a comfortable long-sleeve light blue sweater. Going through his mismatched socks he considered before choosing an equally soft green and purple one to wear. Fully dressed he flopped on his couch and settled down for a nap. 

**…...Sometime in the evening….**

_*CRACK*_

Reid woke with a start to a darkened room. The boom of thunder and occasional flashes of lightning the only light in his apartment. During his nap, the gloomy skies turned into a full-blown storm that knocked his power out.

Pushing his slightly damp hair out of his eyes Spencer got up to find his flashlight, but in his haste, he ended up banging his knee hard on the coffee table. Letting out a loud string of curses he limped to the kitchen and rummaged around the drawers till he found the flashlight. Clicking it on he pointed it at the wall clock to see the time. It was 6 pm. He had slept for 6 hours.

Limping back to the couch he sat down and wondered what he could do now. He was still tired, but couldn’t go to sleep when each loud crash of thunder was causing him to flinch. While the flashlight lit up the small area around him he could still feel the prickle of anxiety starting. Judging by the intensity of the storm he didn’t believe it would be ending anytime soon. 

Shuddering at the eerie feeling the dark apartment had he opened his bag and took out his bunny. The plushie bringing a smile to his tense face as he held it close. 

“I guess it’s just you and me huh?” He said with a weak laugh. 

Pulling his knees up to his chest he winced at the sharp pain in his right knee. “Stupid table” he muttered while reaching for his phone. Thankfully it was mostly charged and he scrolled through his contacts. He didn’t want to strain his eyes trying to read with a flashlight so he figured he could try calling Bennington Sanitarium to see if his mother would like to talk. Clicking her contact he waited for the line to pick up.

“Hi, this is Spencer Reid...Yes, Diana’s son...Is she busy right now?... She is...Oh okay...no no that’s fine I’ll give her a call tomorrow...Yes, thank you, Anna.”

Clicking the end button he tried not to feel so disappointed that his mother was in one of her episodes and couldn’t talk. It would have been nice to hear her voice.

The loneliness he felt earlier was making itself present again and he curled up more on the couch. Spencer hadn’t had to sit through a power outage in awhile and the raging storm was not helping his nerves. After thirty minutes spent curled up on the couch with his rabbit the flashlight began to flicker. 

“Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding-”

_*BANG*_

A particularly strong crack of thunder shook the apartment and he yelped. The noise-making him jump and nearly fall off the couch. He clutched his chest to try and slow his racing heart, but his anxiety skyrocketed when his flickering flashlight finally cut off. In the now pitch black room he could feel his oncoming panic attack, and he quickly turned on the light of his phone. Without thinking he scrolled through his contacts until he came across Hotch’s name. Remembering his boss’s words from earlier Spencer bit his lip into consideration. _‘Am I seriously considering calling my boss because I’m scared of a storm?’_

Lightning flashed and lit up the room for a moment. His furniture casting particularly spooky shadows on the walls. He shuddered and opened a text to hotch. If the man ended up being asleep most likely the message wouldn't wake him up as a call would.

_(Hey hotch...So remember when you said I could message you?)_

Cringing at the message he quickly erased it and tried again.

_(Hey...you busy?)_ With his teeth worrying his lower lip he clicked send before he could erase it again. Waiting for a response didn’t take long as his phone dinged shortly after the message was sent.

_(I’m not busy...are you ok?)_

Flinching again from the thunder he typed out a quick reply.

_(Yes I’m ok...did you know the average temperature of lightning is around 36000 °F?)_

_( I... did not know that.)_

_(The speed of sound is around 767 miles per hour or 1,230 kilometers per hour….)_

_( Interesting… Spencer does this trivia have anything to do with the thunderstorm?)_

_( Maybe….)_

_( Spencer….)_

_( ...Hotch.. )_

_( Quit that!....are you really ok?)_

Spencer considered lying again, but the constant noise of the storm as well as the darkroom was really getting to him. His teeth bit into his lip a little too hard and he tasted blood. 

_(The power went out…)_

_(Oh)_

_(Yeah…)_

  
  


He waited for a reply, but when he didn’t get one after ten minutes he began getting worried. After twenty he could feel his eyes burning with tears and he tossed his phone onto the coffee table.

 _‘What do you want him to say?... Honestly, it’s not like he can make the storm stop or turn the power back on. He can’t fix your problems so of course, he’s not gonna have anything to say. God, I’m so stupid!’_ He thought sourly. His trembling hands gripped his hair and he curled up even more. A whine broke free from his throat and a few tears dripped down his nose and wet the fur of his bunny. His sniffles the only noise aside from the crashing of thunder.

Sometime later a loud ring rang out in the quiet room. Looking up with wet lashes he looked at his phone.

Hotch was calling him.

He lifted the phone with a shaking hand and answered. 

“Hi.,” Spencer said hoarsely and winced at the cracking of his voice.

“Go open the door Spencer.” he quickly got up and stumbled to the door. Arm franticly wiping at his face before he unlatched it.

On the other side, Hotch stood in casual clothes and was holding an umbrella.

By the slightly amused look that crossed the man’s face, he was sure his face showed how surprised he was.

**…...Aaron…**

_(The power went out…)_

_(Oh)_

_(Yeah…)_

Hotch frowned at the phone in his hand. He knew how much Reid didn’t like the dark. Morgan had been the first one to find out and would playfully tease the young profiler about it occasionally. Taking a moment to think he considered his options. He could call Spencer and try to distract him for a while, but the thought of the young man alone and scared in a dark apartment didn’t sit well with him. That only left his second option, and that was to go and get Spencer. Bringing Reid to his place made sense. His power was on, and even if it did eventually go out he had lanterns and at least the young man wouldn’t be alone. 

Decision made he took his keys, and umbrella before heading out to Spencers. They didn’t live too far from each other, but because of the weather, he drove slower. Eventually, he reached Spencer’s apartment. Dialing his number as he went to his door.

“Hi..” After hearing Spencer’s voice crack he knew he made the right choice to come over.

“Go open the door Spencer.” He said before hanging up, and a few moments later the door opened. The shock on Spencer’s face was expected since he had come over without warning. 

Taking in Reid’s casual outfit and mismatched socks he concluded that the young man looked rather adorable. The wide surprised eyes would have been pretty funny, but the telling flush and red eyes suppressed his amusement.

“Can I come in?”

“Uh sure,” Reid said before moving away from the entrance to let Hotch inside.

Setting his umbrella by the door he turned and noticed the younger man limping and he frowned.

“What happened to your leg?”

“I bumped into the coffee table...but um...no offense Hotch...but why are you here?” Reid asked looking confused.

“Well the power at my place is still on and I figured you could come over.” He said plainly. “Besides even if the power goes out I have plenty of storm lanterns.”

“Y-you didn’t have to do that..”

“I know”

“ And you drove all the way here...in this weather?”

Hotch gave him a look.

“Um ok...I’ll get a bag,” Reid said before limping towards his bedroom. 

Aaron went to wait on the couch and when he sat down he noticed a small furry thing on the floor. Feeling like he already knew what it was he reached down and picked up the small and a little damp stuffed bunny. Looking at the area around the couch he didn’t need much profiling to figure out what happened. From the messy state of the couch, he could guess that Spencer had fallen asleep there only to be awakened by the storm. Seeing the flashlight on the coffee table he reached out and clicked it. _‘Battery is dead’_ he noted. Waking up in the dark would explain how he bumped his knee on the table. He must have been in a rush to get the flashlight. When the flashlight had gone out he had to have been panicking which led to him texting Hotch. 

Aaron looked at the stuffed animal in his hands and felt both proud and sad. Proud that Spencer had messaged him when he needed him, and sad that in the time it took him to drive over that Spencer had been crying alone with only the small toy.

Hearing Spencer returns to the room he stood up.

“I got a bag.,” Spencer said before noticing what Hotch had in his hand. With a now pale face, he spoke again in almost a whisper. His head looking to the side and avoiding hotch’s eyes. ‘I-I...you can l-leave that here if you want to…”

Aaron felt his usually collected expression finally crumble when he realized Spencer was afraid.

Afraid of Him.

“You think I’d do that to you?” He asked just as softly and seeing the sharp nod and trembling lip his heart just about shattered. He knew that the trauma Spencer had endured as a child was bad, but seeing that fearful look directed at him was enough to completely disarm him.   
  


**……..Spencer….**

  
  


Spencer heard himself let out another small whine when he abruptly felt arms pulling him into a tight hug. The calm composure he had since Hotch arrived rapidly falling apart. Risking a glance at the older man what he saw caused a sob to break free. Aaron looked absolutely devastated, and at hearing Reids sob he could hear the other man’s breath hitch. 

_‘I-I don’t know what to do…’_ He thought in despair. He had never seen Hotch like this before. All he could do was hold the other man back in what he hoped was an equally as comforting embrace.

After some time passed he felt the arms release him.

“Spencer...I promise I will never make you leave this behind” Aaron said holding the bunny out for Spencer to take. 

Hesitantly he reached out a hand taking the small plushie and pulled it protectively against his chest. Seeing Hotch’s completely unguarded expression had done something to him. His chest felt tight in a weird way, and he felt unbelievably...small.

“How about we get going okay?”

Spencer nodded and went to put on some shoes. Grabbing his phone and keys they walked out the door. Spencer locking it behind them. Once everything was in the car They buckled in, and Hotch began driving towards his house.

Still holding his bunny Spencer looked at his boss, and for the first time he felt like he was seeing the man for the person he was and not just as his supervisor. The stern exterior the older man exuded was just that. An exterior. Like one of those Russian nesting dolls, there was SSA Hotchner of the FBI, and underneath that, there was Aaron Hotchner his...friend.

“Aaron?”

“Yes,” Hotch said without looking away from the road.

“Thank you for coming to get me.” 

“Anytime” 

He settled back in his seat, and after a minute he saw Hotch reach to turn on the radio. The song playing made the feeling in his chest ache again Spencer turned to look out the window into the pouring rain. His reflection on the glass smiling.

  
  


**(Song: Someone to You By: Banners)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepover Chapter! 
> 
> This chapter was intended to be longer, but I am splitting it up into two parts so that the tone of each is not to mixed.
> 
> (Hopefully, that makes sense lol)

**…..Hotchner Residence…**

**...Spencer…**

"So, the Ewoks?.."

"Yes"

"The furry ones…"

"Mhmm.."

"They wanted to eat them..."

"Yep…. Definitely Carnivores."

An odd look crossed Hotch's face, and Spencer let out a laugh. 

They were going through Hotch's rather extensive DVD collection, and he had been aghast that Aaron didn't own any of the star wars trilogies. Determined to spark Hotch's interest in the series, he had spent the last hour explaining intriguing parts in the films "It's honestly a highly debated topic among fans if you want me to explain I can."

"I think I'm good…" Hotch said with an amused chuckle. "So, aside from Star Wars, have you found anything you want to watch?" 

Spencer pursed his lips and looked at the stack of DVDs between them. There were several good options he could see, but he wanted to pick something comedic that would give the usually stern man a good laugh. Flipping through a few more movies, a familiar cover caught his eye. With sudden glee, he handed the film over to an inquisitive looking Hotch. "We have to watch this one. It's a classic!"

**…..Hotch...**

Looking a the movie in his hands, Hotch felt himself smirk in amusement. Reid had actually picked one of his favorite movies, and he hadn't watched it quite a long while.

"The Princess Bride it is," He said, getting up from the carpet. Behind him, he could hear his young colleague's enthusiastic 'yes,' and he let out an amused snort. "How does popcorn sound?"

"That sounds good." He heard Spencer reply, and he prepped the DVD player before heading to the kitchen. Finding the extra buttery kind, he popped the bag into the microwave before taking out a large bowl. Leaning against the counter, he waited for the timer to go off. 

In the living room, he could see Spencer swiftly placing the scattered DVDs back on his shelf in what looked to be in the order of genre. Rolling his eyes, he couldn't help feeling content with the young man's excitement. After the car ride, Spencer seemed to be in a better and more responsive mood. His shyness over his plush animal seemingly to have vanished since he had not once hidden it away in his bag.

Hearing the timer go off, he filled the bowl with the hot popcorn and went to sit on his couch. Spencer joining him shortly after putting away the last DVD. 

Setting the bowl on the coffee table between them, he pressed play on the remote and settled back while the movie began. Beside him, Spencer sat cross-legged on the couch with his bunny in his lap. Both men watching the movie happily while sharing the buttery snack and laughing at the outrageous scenes.

_("Inconceivable!"_

_"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.")_

"Actually He's not exactly wrong.. Inconceivable means something that cannot be conceived so he is using the word correctly considering the word itself refers to something that you would never even think of...however I think he means that he is using the word Inconceivable in place of a general term like such as "disappointing" or "unlikely," Spencer said suddenly.

"Did you seriously just fact check that?" Aaron questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" Spencer replied looking confused. "He was technically correct in word use."

Hotch only blinked in response before tossing the popcorn he had in his hand at the genius's head.

"Did you just throw popcorn at me?" Spencer said, eyes wide in surprised mirth.

"Inconceivable," Aaron said in a deadpan voice before turning back to the movie. 

Next to him, Spencer erupted into a fit of giggles. Hearing the childish sounding laughs, he found himself joining in with chuckles of his own.

Outside, the storm was winding down, but neither of the agents noticed. Throughout the rest of the movie, an occasional popcorn would go flying across the couch, and Hotch didn't once mind the mess they where making. For the first time in a long time, he felt entirely at ease.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two updates back to back *gasp* lol
> 
> This chapter is my take on the season 4 episode ( Minimal Loss) with my own twist added in.
> 
> This was a difficult chapter for me to write I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Edit: Apologies for the sudden edit to the chapter. I'm new to writing fanfiction, and I just noticed I uploaded my second draft and not the final one onto this chapter. Sorry again to anyone who is confused...)

**…………..Monday….**

**….Spencer….**

Spending the night at Hotch's had been a lot of fun, and even though they both ended up sleeping late, he had woken up feeling more rested than he had in weeks. Hotch had also been kind enough to make breakfast before driving them to work since Reid's car was back at his apartment. At the BAU, things were going as they usually did, and Spencer had almost pinched himself to make sure the weekend hadn't, in fact, been a dream. Aside from Garcia giving him a big hug when he had gone in her office to get candy this morning, his team members thankfully didn't seem to be acting unusual around him.

Currently, they were working a case on the leader of Liberty Church Ranch, a remote church in LaPlata County, Colorado. Benjamin Cyrus, the leader of the church, was suspected of practicing polygamy and forcing child marriages despite having no previous criminal record.

Reid and Prentiss were under the guise of being child victim interview experts and were tasked with interviewing the children. 

When they arrived at the church, he felt something off the moment they pulled up and saw Cyrus's piercing eyes.

Once inside the building, Prentiss began speaking with one of the young girls Jessica Evanson. For a few moments, everything was fine until the girl's following words confirmed his suspicions.

"Is it inappropriate for a husband to share a bed with his wife?" 

"You are married to Cyrus?"

He saw Emily's eyes widen when the young girl confirmed she was with enthusiasm. Spencer swallowed the nausea he felt by the girl's profession.

"Jessica, you're 15 years old. The state of Colorado requires parental consent." He said carefully despite knowing she had grown up in this environment and that she most likely had no idea why they where so disturbed by the notion of a 15-year old having relations with a fully grown man. A man that was also claiming to be a prophet.

"She gave consent," Emily said, looking at the mother in growing horror.

Their next words were cut short when Cyrus and some armed men burst into the room looking angry and shouting for them to stand. 

"We just got a very strange phone call from a news reporter. Is there anything you want to tell me about a raid?" Cyrus commanded with weapons drawn and aimed at them. Neither he nor Emily knew what to say, and Cyrus seemed to realize they were genuinely clueless. Quickly ordering his men to gather the children Cyrus made them go through a hidden hatch with all the families. Forcing them all to flee from the raid that had begun.

Spencer could feel his panic creeping up on him over the sudden turn of events. The gunshots above him unsettling with how close they were. Nancy Lunde, the woman who had gotten them the interview, was becoming extremely agitated. He and Emily tried to calm her down, but their efforts to keep her out of harm's way fell on deaf ears. She forced her way to Cyrus convinced she could rationalize with him and law enforcement. Regrettably this decision cost her life, and she almost immediately killed by one of the bullets being fired from outside.

Several shouts, as well as shots later Cyrus, had managed to convince the raid to pull back, but Spencer knew it wouldn't be long before they returned with twice the backup. It wasn't looking good for any of them at all, and more than anything, he wished he could go back to the calmness of the morning.

**…...Back at the BAU…..**

**…..Hotch….**

Hotch was on a call when he had heard Morgan's shout. Derek didn't shout for him unless something was severely wrong, and recognizing this he promptly hung up and rushed out of his office. In the bullpen he first noticed JJ's face twisted with worry as she looked at the incoming news bulletin. He felt the chill of imminent dread run down his spine.

Morgan drew his attention to the television and hastily informed him of Emily and Reid's situation. With the news of his agents being involved in a now violent hostage situation, he didn't hesitate to move into high gear. 

Several necessary orders were given, and they soon boarded the jet. The tense atmosphere around them unspoken as they quickly began to profile Cyrus with the little information they had on him. 

Hotch was all too conscious of how critical the circumstances were. The sickening sensation of guilt for sending Reid out on the case was already making an appearance in his levels of agitation over the lack of information they had on Cyrus. He was just as concerned about Emily's safety, but Spencer had already had an emotional weekend. Becoming part of a hostage situation could only be detrimental to his already delicate emotional state. They hadn't even had a day to process the new changes in the team, and his worry for the young man was through the roof. When he originally sent Reid on this case, he thought it would be a simple interview to gather information. He hadn't lied when he said he didn't doubt Spencer's abilities in the field, but he never intended to put his abilities to the test immediately. The information-gathering was supposed to assure Spencer his words where honest. 

Confused about how he made such a large error in judgment JJ informed them she just found out the group has been the subject of a 6-month weapons investigation. An investigation that the governor had intentionally withheld information on because of the upcoming election.

The rage he felt was immense. Had he known this, he clearly would have managed the situation differently. He wouldn't have sent them on their own. 

Seeing Morgans and JJ's equally upset expressions, he knew he wasn't alone in his feelings towards the governor. David's expression, however, was directed towards him in a bit more calculating way. Wondering why he was at the receiving end of the gaze, he looked down at himself and realized his left hand was gripping his file in a fist so tight his knuckles were white.

Careful to make sure his expression remained indifferent, he gradually loosened his hold. No one else appeared to have noticed his slip in control, but he was sure David did, the look he was given distinctly expressed that there would be words between them when they landed.

**…..Emily….**

Emily didn't like feeling helpless and unable to do anything. This was not at all how the interview was supposed to go, and she was sure Hotch hadn't known about the raid, or he would have surely briefed them. Sending in a raid without their knowledge was purposely putting them in harm's way, and that was something she refused to believe Hotch could ever do. Without control of the situation, all she could do was take in their surroundings and profile the room. She would have to have confidence the rest of their team were able to come up with an effective strategy to get them all out safely. Beside her, Spencer was eerily quiet. She knew Spencer's mind must be bustling with the statistics, and even if she was curious about their chances, she couldn't bring herself to ask him what their odds where. Seeing his expression she honestly wasn't sure if that was the only thing on his mind. Ever since Nancy was killed, Spencer had taken on a strange demeanor she rarely saw.

Prentiss was unable to place his stance until her gaze fell upon where the children sat. _'Oh..'_

She mentally smacked herself for forgetting what she had learned about her young colleague. He was essentially mimicking the body language of the frightened children. His lanky arms were held protectively around his middle, and his gaze seemed to be shifting several times around the room when any noise was made. Twitchy fingers tugged at his cardigan, and his lower lip was drawn into his mouth. She had observed him looking like this a few times before and had shrugged it off as normal apprehension, but now she recognized it was something more profound than that. Cyrus's interest in Reid since they arrived suddenly made sense. She had thought it was because of his intelligence but he must have seen Spencer's vulnerability and recognized it. It had piqued his curiosity. 

Emily shuddered at the thought.

Seeing Reid afraid had her feeling ill-equipped to help him. They had been unable to bring anything with them to do the interview, and she couldn't comfort him unless she wanted to draw attention their way. All she could do was distract him by having him help her profile the congregation, and hope it wouldn't be too long before help arrived. 

**…...Hotch…..**

Once at the scene, Hotch pulled Rossi aside. "Dave, they've left the choice of negotiators up to me." 

"I taught most of the hostage negotiation unit. You want a recommendation?" Rossi proposed, and Hotch shook his head. "I'm making you the lead negotiator. "

He saw David's bewildered expression, but he continued. "Why go to the students when I have the teacher?"

"Because the teacher is emotionally involved, and so is the agent in command!" Rossi declared in frustration. His sharp look piercing Hotch's defenses.

"I know I am. I know…But David, this is a unique situation." He admitted with difficulty. Having been in stressful conditions where not only civilians were at risk but also members of his team. He knew what was at stake. "We have 2 agents who could affect the outcome on the inside."

"True. But I can't be objective! I know them too well." Rossi insisted, but Hotch could see he was starting to get through to the older agent.

"This outcome depends as much on our ability to predict the moves of Prentiss and Reid as Cyrus. That's why you're the best man for the job."

"Assuming that Reid and Prentiss are still in a condition to make moves." Rossi snapped back, causing a small flinch to pass across his face. 

"I know how bad this is. That's why I want you doing the talking." Aaron said with a slight tone of desperation. "Please."

"All right, Aaron" David agreed with that look of contemplation back in his eyes. 

A loud commotion came their way, and they both turned towards the noise. Realizing one of the arguing men was the state attorney general, he felt his temper from the jet return tenfold. Without much consideration, he heatedly interrupted the men. "The only thing that you're in the position to demand is a lawyer."

"Who the hell are you?" The overweight man asked with a tone that practically exuded arrogance. 

"I'm Aaron Hotchner, unit chief." He said while trying to resist the urge to deck the man where he stood. "I'm the guy who's gonna tell the attorney general of the United States whether to charge you with obstructing a federal investigation or negligent homicide."

"You can't talk to me like that!" The general sputtered in indignation.

Getting right up in the man's face, Aaron fixed him with a flat stare, "I'm only going to tell you once...Get off my crime scene." Seeing the speechless flustered man leave shouldn't have been so satisfying, but it was at that moment. 

After the man was gone, they gathered everyone to debrief. The words' minimal loss scenario.' Was never a comfortable situation. The amount of loss was unpredictable. They would not be able to save everyone. 

With David's leadership, they decided the best course of action to take. The first of which was to demilitarize the situation as much as possible. Once they did that, they could continue forward with negotiations.

**……That Night.…**

**….Rossi…**

Leading in negotiations was not a position he would have found ideal, but Reid's involvement only confirmed why Aaron was even more on edge than usual.

Hotch is a strong and capable man that he was certain of, but as a profiler, he knew Hotch choosing him to lead was his way of not allowing his emotions to jeopardize the mission.

Unfortunately for David, that information didn't help him feel any better when he heard the little girl's voice come over the phone, telling him he killed her parents and asking if he would kill her too. 

Trying to not let it distract him, the girl's voice was replaced with the church leaders, and he began his negotiations. 

He worked to de-escalate the situation, but when Cyrus informed them of one of the social workers having been killed Rossi felt a rush of dread. Hotch's sharp inhale to his right caused him to glance in his direction. Aaron's eyebrows were drawn close, and his mouth was tight in worry. Morgan who was next to him had his arms crossed with his face twisted in concern as well as dread. Taking a silent steadying breathe continued. "I need a name...to inform the family."

"Her name was Nancy Lunde," said Cyrus, and Rossi felt a bittersweet feeling that at least Reid and Emily were still alive. He attempted to convince Cyrus to send out his wounded but was only able to negotiate him, bringing them supplies tomorrow by himself.

Morgan didn't like the idea and wanted to go with him, but he knew he had to build trust. He needed to confirm the kids, as well as Prentiss and Reid, were okay. 

**…...Tuesday….**

**…...Reid….**

Spencer knew the statistics of this turning out well were slim. The instant they had been lead into the church and told to sit in the pews with the rest of the congregation, he had felt it. The fear he felt wasn't helping, and it was a struggle to maintain a clear enough mind to stay focused.

Seeing Rossi for a moment when he brought supplies was a small comfort that at least the rest of the team was there. That Hotch was there working to get them out.

Cyrus's religious monologues were triggering memories of his time with Tobias and had him on edge. It was almost too much, and he was grateful to have Emily there to help keep him grounded.

Watching the interaction between Jessica and her mother they noted how the mother inserted herself between Cyrus and Jessica. This was a definite indicator that she had an issue with Cyrus.

Having passed out wine to the congregation, Cyrus watched them drink before announcing the drink was poisoned. Reid frowned in contemplation. That couldn't be right. The man was too calm.

"What do we do?" Emily whispered franticly. 

"Nothing," he responded as he took in how the man's eyes seemed to be scanning the room. Carefully watching the reactions of his church members.

"We have to do something...these people just took poison!" 

"Cyrus told them he did...but I think he's bluffing." He replied without moving his eyes from the man. "Just after he told them about the poison, he waited for them to start to react. Then he nodded to cole. And he started writing. Look... they're scanning the audience looking for reactions. "

"They're writing down the names of the people who are crying." She said in realization.

"It's a loyalty list." He added, and moments later, Cyrus confirmed his theory. There may not be poison, but they were all still under threat. 

**……….Outside…..**

**….Hotch…..**

Things were looking grimmer and grimmer as time continued to pass. Things were going relatively okay until the attorney generals office threw another wrench into their efforts and alerted the press that one of the 'social workers' was an undercover agent within the church. Unable to hold back a loud curse Hotch has torn between fury at the state attorney general and the rising panic he felt. 

Through the bugs that had been placed, it was only moments before he heard Cyrus angrily questioning both his agents. He could hear Reid frantically try and deny the accusations since there was no way if them knowing of the press release. His voice clearly afraid and confused.

Everyone was tense listening threw their headsets, and he heard the click of a gun before Emily suddenly spoke and admitted to being the undercover agent.

Her admission was not exactly a surprise since they knew she would want to protect Reid, but the following sounds of her being beaten were hard to listen to even if she did her best to reassure them she was strong enough to withstand it.

Her pained yet determined voice made him feel ill. Morgan, having thrown his headset in anger, was pacing back and forth. 

When it was all over some time passed before they heard Cyrus speaking again. This time to Reid, and he realized that Spencer had somehow managed to have gained the man's trust. 

Thanking the universe for the young man's ability to work under pressure, he heard Reid convince Cyrus to unknowingly begin releasing church members on Spencer's insistence that he test the FBI's trustworthiness. If they gave the correct identity of their agent, it would solidify Reid's words.

Hotch, despite his fear for his agents, felt a swell of pride for the young profiler.

**…..Inside…**

**…..Reid…..**

After being brought back into the chapel, he saw Emily and froze. The knot in his throat tightening. Seeing what his denial of being an agent did to her made the guilt he felt all-consuming. He couldn't comprehend how she could act so calmly, knowing he did this to her. 

Under his stare, Prentiss's calm expression faltered and she gave him a tiny smile. "Oh, Spence, it's not as bad as it looks." She said softly in what he knew was an attempt at soothing his guilt, but he still felt anguished seeing her bruised and bloody face.

"Emily... I-I'm so..so sorry." He whispered quietly as he frantically blinked to try and hold back tears. "God- I'm so sorry." His lip trembled, and she quietly shushed him. Her hand discreetly brushing his knuckles. "It's okay, Spencer, it's okay...shh please don't cry...We need to stay focused okay just until we get out of here, okay? " 

Taking a few deep breaths, he nodded and composed himself. It was a wrong time and place to break down. Rationally he knew that despite the sob he felt wanting to claw its way free from his chest, he had to stay strong and get Emily and as many people as he could out of here. 

Feeling composed enough to leave Emily's side, he approached Cyrus and made an excuse for why he had been talking to her as well as sending a hidden message through the bugs to his team that it was time for them to take action. Seeing the unaware man's approving look directed to him made him uncomfortable.

After he carefully crafted his message, all he had left to do was wait and hope it was received the way he had intended. Time passed, and when the food arrived, he knew they had heard him. Hotch's writing on the containers a small comfort. The question now was, would this plan work. Seeing the dynamite Cyrus was preparing, he wasn't certain of the outcome.

**….Wednesday 2:45 am….**

**…..Reid…...**

Nearing 3 he heard Cyrus outside firing gunshots and he hoped Emily managed to find a way out with the women and children.

After the shots the angry man round the corner heading directly towards him, and he felt his anxiety skyrocket.

Turning to Cyrus's right-hand man, he frantically spoke.

"Jeremiah 29:11-- I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you... plans to bring you to hope and a future...is blowing yourself up part of the prosperous future that God wants?"

He saw conflict in the man's eyes at his words but quickly turned away when Cyrus pointed his gun him.

"You think you know the word better than I?" Cyrus said in a low voice that was full of menace.

Feeling panicked and unable to hold his tongue, he blurted out," No. I'm just demonstrating that you can use the bible to manipulate anything."

"Matthew 10:24-- do not suppose that I've come to the earth to bring peace... I did not come to bring peace but a sword." Cyrus spat in fury before knocking the wind out of him with the rifle. "You cannot convert my brothers."

Doubling over in pain, he barely was able to let out a grunt before a fist was punched into his already aching gut. The force causing him to fall to the floor. He looked up at the delusional man in fear.

"No one had to follow. God could have stopped me." Cyrus said with a look of resignment. His hand holding up the detonator. 

Spencer closed his eyes, not wanting to see the man push the button on the detonator, but seconds later, his eyes flew open to the sound of gunshots.

Morgan had burst threw the door and Cyrus was now crumbled on the floor dead.

He let out a shaky breath in relief. "He just did." 

Getting to his feet, he heard Morgan shout clear, and he looked around the room and noticed Jessica was there with them. His relief vanished and the bad feeling he had returned.

Morgan was yelling for her to come with them, but he knew the look that had crossed her face when she saw Cyrus dead on the floor. She would be loyal to her husband to the end.

She reached down for the detonator, and he didn't have time to think. He turned and grabbed Morgan's hand shouting for him to run. They burst through the door, but it was only seconds before the blast knocked them off their feet and unto the ground outside. The heat scorching their clothes and covering them in smoke and debris.

For a moment, all Reid could do was lay there in shock. Looking through the thick haze of the smoke, he could see Emily and Hotch running their way. Behind them, most of the congregation members were huddled together. The only one who stood apart was Jessica's mother, whose face was twisted in absolute devastation. 

"She's lost everything...She'll never forgive herself." He murmured sadly as Morgan began pulling him up from the ground. 

"Morgan...Reid...Oh, God!" He heard Emily shout as she reached them. Her arms wrapping around his neck in relief. His eyes burning with unshed tears, and a small whimper escaping his lips as he held her back.

**…..Hotch…**

When he saw Emily leading the women and children away from the building, he was reminded of just how strong she was to have withstood a beating and still manage to get most of the church members free. Helping her direct them, he heard the sudden blast, and his heart nearly stopped. 

The two agents shared a terrified look as they hurriedly made their way to the front of the building.

Seeing the flames and debris falling, he braced himself for the worst, but Emily's sudden shout had him look more closely. In the thick clouds of smoke near the wreckage, he could see Morgan getting up from the ground, and helping Reid to stand. The relief he felt was unbelievable, and they ran up to meet them. 

Emily was first to reach the two, and she threw her arms around a dazed-looking Reid. He checked over Morgan and saw he was looking ruff but otherwise mostly unharmed. It had been close, for all three of his agents, and he felt very grateful he still had them alive around him at this moment. 

Rossi joined them somberly, and he was reminded that although his team had made it out unscathed. Jessica's mother and the now orphaned little girl among the parishioners would not have a happy ending. 

Ready to leave, he and the team solemnly made their way passed the grieving mother. Only Emily staying behind a moment to speak to her.

**….The flight home…**

**…...Reid….**

After getting checked over by the EMT's, time seemed to pass by in a blur. He was aware that at some point a visibly concerned Morgan ushered him onto the jet. Hotch shortly after making sure he had taken a seat next to him. For a few minutes into the flight, he managed to remain quiet, but then Emily sat across from him, and he felt his eyes begin to burn again.

"Reid, please...I need you to listen to me, okay?" She said kindly. Her hand reaching out to hold his cold fingers. "What Cyrus did to me was not your fault...Do you understand?"

He couldn't look at her concerned eyes and respond. He knew he should, but he couldn't. His cowardice was the reason she was injured. He squeezed his eyes shut. Focusing on the warmth of her hand and tried to will the tears he knew where coming away.

"It was my decision, and I would do it again... It's not your fault...do you hear me?" He heard her say.

When he still didn't reply, he felt Aarons arm wrap around his shoulders in a half embrace. The tears he felt pooling beneath his lashes began slipping down his cheeks.

"Oh, Spence… She's right it isn't your fault," He heard JJ say. Confused by her voice suddenly sounding so close he opened blurry eyes to see his team had all moved seats to be closer to him. He heard a low whimper make its way passed his tightly pressed lips, and he ducked his head in shame. 

"No one blames you, Spencer. It was a difficult situation, and you and Emily did what you had to do." Rossi told him, and Spencer wanted to laugh at David's typical bluntness, but it came out more like a sob. 

"I s-should h-have stopped Jessica.." He managed to say weakly, but Derek's strong hand dropped to his shoulder and silenced him."Nope...not gonna let you put that on yourself, pretty boy...She made her decision, and no one could have stopped her...you saved our lives and don't think for one second you could have stopped that outcome." 

"Without your help Reid we wouldn't have been able to pull this off as we did. You had every odd against both you and Prentiss, and you both managed to save many more people than we had hoped for. I am so proud of you both... I'm Proud of you, Spencer." Hotch said, and Reid felt himself being pulled closer into the embrace.

He didn't feel like he deserved their kindness, but hearing Hotch say he was proud of him was enough to completely unravel him, and Spencer hid his face away in the man's arm. It was silly and irrational to think arms could block out reality, but Aaron's large arms felt like a comforting barrier against the outside world, and instinctively he wanted nothing more than to feel hidden and protected against the feelings he couldn't control. 

He hadn't cried this hard in a long time in the presence of others. His hiccups and gasps unsurpassed as he clutched onto the quickly soaked fabric of Aaron's shirt. Over the last weekend, the emotional Dam in his chest had cracked little by little, and now it had bust completely. The stress and fear of everything that happened the last few days came rushing out. 

By the time his sobs slowed he didn't know how much time had passed. Already he was feeling drowsy and exhausted. He knew he should feel embarrassed for soaking his boss's shirt with his tears, but he was too tired to care. His tears lessened, and he realized Aaron was gently running a hand, threw his hair. His deep voice murmuring reassurances quietly by his ear. Lifting his head slightly, he saw everyone else had at some point returned to their own seats to give them some privacy. Embarrassed, he felt new tears spring up.

His movement must have gotten Hotch's attention, and he felt his head pulled back into the man's warm embrace. "Shh..get some rest okay...when we land, do you want to stay the night at my place again?" Aaron asked. Not wanting to give up the comforting hold he managed to give a quiet yes. the comforting squeeze he got in response felt nice and, he felt the man shift for a moment before a familiar softness was placed in his hands.

"I made sure to get your bag before boarding. I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you sooner." He heard Hotch say, but he didn't respond and only cuddled more into the man.

He was so tired, and his eyes couldn't stay open any longer. In Aaron's arms, he felt safe for the first time in three days. 

**……………….**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side Note: The song (Safe in My Hands By: Eli Lieb) was the inspiration for this chapter. I interpreted the lyrics in a more father-son protective way. It's not a necessity but recommend a listen if anyone is interested.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: Haley is alive in this story, she is just divorced from Hotch and has a house of her own. They share custody of Jack.

**….Hotch….**

It truly did pain him to see Spencer looking so exhausted and frail as he slept. His cheeks had been taking on a slightly sunken look laity, and Aaron was growing increasingly worried about his health. Aside from all they had learned about Spencer, the one thing the team had noticed early on was that Spencer had problems with eating. At first, they just thought he was just easily fixated on things or topics that he forgot to eat, but they began noticing he had a particular pattern of eating over time. In restaurants, he never finished his portions nor took leftovers home, at work, he occasionally snatched a muffin or cookie, and on cases, eating seemed to be the farthest thing on his mind. They knew no one could survive on coffee alone, and even Gideon had been worried enough to express concerns to Hotch about Spencer's eating habits. However, helping Reid with his issue without him noticing was a task in itself.

It began with Gideon asking Spencer to bring two bagels with the coffees he got them in the morning. The conversations they would have together usually leading him to offer Reid a bagel, which the younger man usually accepted to be polite. Once Gideon was gone, Hotch took his place and began leaving various snack items on the others desk in the mornings. He was always there early, and since he had plenty of snacks at home that he packed for Jack to take to school, it wasn't a chore to take a few with him to work. It was a routine he had now, and surprisingly he wasn't figured out. He could only assume that Spencer thought Garcia or one of the others was doing it. Regardless of who Reid thought gave him his daily bag of goodies, he always ate them. Morgan had taken on the bigger task of taking the other out to eat and making sure he got more substance in his diet. They all pitched in to get their colleague to eat more, but it never seemed enough. Besides, it was not like they could see what he ate at home. 

The thought of him eating even less at home made him frown even more. In his arms, the full weight of the other slumped against him wasn't even all that heavy.

*****

It wasn't until he felt the planes landing and final jolts before Aaron relinquished his hold on Reid. It felt wrong to wake him after just getting him to rest, but they would be un-boarding soon, and he didn't want Spencer to feel embarrassed and in a rush to get ready. Despite knowing it was the right thing to do, he couldn't help feeling guilty for waking him when he clearly needed as much sleep as he could get.

Once he had the younger man fully awake, he kindly helped Reid gather his things, before making their way to the exit. Rossi had gotten off with the others before them and was talking to Emily quietly until they saw him and Reid walking down the steps to join the rest of the group.

Moments later, Garcia was quickly making her way over to see for herself that they were alright. Her normally bright personality subdued as she looked them over. In her arms, she carried a large pink knitted bag full of first aid items regardless of them, saying they had already gotten looked over by EMTs. Despite wanting nothing more than to reconnect and then head home, they did not want to further upset their emotional, technical analyst. Emily was the first to give in and allow her to put a bandaid on the cut above her brow. Now the proud owner of a hello kitty bandaid Emily's bemused expression caused a few much-needed laughs.

Penelope's genuine concern and care for them was touching.

As they chatted, there was a chilly gust of wind, and he felt Spencer shudder next to him. The temperature change from the plane was expected as it was early fall in Virginia, but unlike the rest of the group who had jackets, Spencer's thin sweater that he wore over his shirt seemed to not be a decent enough barrier from the cold.

Attempting to move as casually as possible, Hotch pulled off his jacket and covered the shivering shoulders. He knew Spencer would deny being cold and object to using his coat out of embarrassment, so he hadn't asked. If anyone was surprised, they didn't bring attention to it. He didn't mind the chilly breeze, and he only duly noted the slight discomfort.

Odd as it was to see his large jacket on much smaller shoulders, he couldn't help but wonder what Spencer might have looked like as a kid. If he had long hair as he did now or had it been short like Jack's?

His thoughts reminded him of the time Jack ran into his room while he was getting ready for work. The excited little blonde dwarfed in one of his suit jackets with a little clip-on tie on his T-shirt.

_'Look, daddy, I'm working the case!'_

Slightly surprised that his mind supplied that particular memory, he figured it was because he missed Jack, and he forced himself to refocus on the group's conversation.

"Alright, I'm exhausted. I say we go home and catch some Z's," Morgan said with a stretch before thanking Garcia for handing him a wipe from her bag to get some leftover soot from the explosion off his brow. 

"I agree...I need to call Will and see Henry." JJ added. Her phone already in her hand.

Rossi and Emily also expressed their wariness. Emily fondly mentioned her cat Sergio while Rossi focused more on his bed and his new Millesimo bed sheets.

Telling the team to go home and get some much-needed rest, they all said their goodbyes and made their ways to their vehicles. Garcia hung back for a moment longer to give Reid a gentle hug. 

Spencer still hadn't said anything other than giving a few smiles and short replies when Garcia asked if he was okay. He was quiet even when they got in the van. If anything, he seemed to snuggle into the jacket even more after buckling up. Seeing Spencer almost shielding himself away in his coat was concerning, but he decided not to mention it. He was just glad Spencer wanted to stay over again. His stress had been through the roof, and he didn't think he would be able to sleep well if he knew Spencer was alone at his apartment after everything that had happened.

**…...Spencer……**

Hotch's van was warm, and despite his rational inner voice telling him it was weird to still be snuggling into his boss's jacket, he had yet to return it. It was comfortable and smelled much like the man it belonged to. Woodsy from whatever soap he uses, and warm. Not that warmth is a scent, but it was the sensation it gave him. 

Lately, he hasn't been able to keep his mind from spiraling between embarrassment, guilt, confusion, and shame. Ever since the team had discovered his unorthodox coping methods and weakness, he was having a difficult time feeling like he had before all this came to light. Sure he was aware that there were many things wrong with him, but at least he was able to pretend he was slightly less of a freak when he was at work because his mind was useful.

Because of his clumsiness, this delusion was now broken, and he kept finding it harder to reign in his emotions. It was like trying to tape a broken window together in an area with frequent rainstorms and hoping there would be no leaks. Spencer didn't like feeling like he was the weak link in his team's strong chain and that sooner or later, he was going to snap and let them all down. He even felt anger towards himself, because what was the point in having an IQ of 187 if he couldn't even use it to fix himself? 

Attempting to distract himself, he looked out the window at the passing cars and buildings. Since they had returned in the evening, many people were leaving work. As they passed a baseball field, his self deprecating thoughts took a steeper turn when he remembered the last time he had been on a field.

*********Reid 9yrs old******

_His first little league game had just ended. Flushed and sweating, he had pushed his wet bangs away from his eyes, and he looked to the stands for his father. Finally, spotting him, he waved, but the look he received quickly had him dropping his hand to his side. He hadn't known why his dad was so angry with him. William had wanted him to join sports and had signed him up in the first place, so the confusion he felt when seeing his father quickly walking to the car and not towards the team like the other parents had him running after the man. Maybe he was upset because he wasn't as good a player as the other kids yet. Lately, he had been looking up information all about baseball, so he hoped he could at least show his dad that he was trying._

_Once he joined his dad in the car, he was filled with anxiety and began blurting out the first thing he could think of._

_'Hey, dad, did you know that 8,000 pounds of force is required to change the motion of a 5-ounce baseball that's traveling 90 miles per hour into a 110-mile-per-hour shot over the center-field fence?'_

_His father scoffed and looked at him._

_'You know all that yet you couldn't hit one ball today? haven't you been practicing at all?'_

_'Um..yes, but it's been really hot, and did you know the chances of heatstroke are-'_

_'Damn it, Spencer!' His father interrupted. His face pinched in frustration.' why can't you just be normal for one day...Is that really so much to ask?'_

_'I-I'm sorry I can do better I-'_

_'Just stop okay...God...I should have just left you at home with your mother...embarrassing,' His father had muttered as he drove away from the field—his large hands clutching the wheel so tight his veins in his hands were protruding._

_Spencer remembered how tight the knot in his throat had felt as he looked at the field, getting smaller in the side mirror. His teammates were celebrating because they had won the game. His coach had told them they did a good job._

_He hadn't felt like a winner._

**_*************_ **

Wincing at the unpleasant memory, Spencer sank down in his seat even more. In the driver's seat, Aaron's phone began to ring.

"Haley...Yes, we just got back from the case… How's Jack?" 

He heard Jack's small voice come over the phone with a 'Hi daddy!'

"Hey, buddy."

"Guess what?! mommy took me to the aquarium, and I saw jellyfish!"

"Wow! Sounds like you and Mommy had a lot of fun this week, huh?"

Hearing their conversation, Spencer found it sweet but also a little uncomfortable. Listening to Hotch's 'dad' voice was strange, and it kind of felt like he was eavesdropping. 

"You're still coming to pick me up!?"

"Of course buddy I didn't forget, I'll be there in ten minutes..see you soon!" 

Hearing the call end, he held his breath a moment before slowly exhaling. He had been so distracted by his own want to remain in the others company he hadn't considered Hotch would pick up his son while he was with him.

_'...God, I'm so selfish!...Jack is his son, and he's been away from him for nearly a week, and here I am butting in on their family time.'_

Feeling ashamed, he considered telling Hotch to drop himself off at his apartment, but by the time he gathered enough courage to say anything, they were already parking in front of Haley's house. His words dwindled away before they could be spoken. He could only watch Aaron exit the vehicle to go ring the doorbell. Moments later, the door was opened, and the small child launched himself into Aaron's arms. He couldn't hear what they were saying from the vehicle, but the interaction looked happy.

The feeling of intruding hit him again, and he looked away. Focusing on his pants instead. His fingers tapping the fabric repetitively.

A few minutes passed, five minutes twenty-three seconds to be exact, and the back door opened. Jack's happy laughter filled the space as Aaron buckled him into his car seat before closing the door and walking around to get back into the driver's side.

"Hi, Spencer! Daddy said, you're staying the night with us. It's gonna be fun!" the boy said enthusiastically. 

Not wanting to make the boy uncomfortable, he gave Jack a weak smile that he hoped was pleasant. 

"Remember what I said, Jack...Spencer isn't feeling so well, so not too much fun, okay?" Hotch told his son kindly. Jack agreed happily, and Spencer felt himself relax a bit.

**…………Jack…..**

When his dad told him Spencer was gonna stay the night, he was super excited. Mommy looked worried when Daddy whispered to her about work stuff, but she just told daddy that she hoped Spencer felt better soon. 

When they were driving to daddy's house, Spencer was very quiet and didn't talk much. Peaking a look at Spencer through the small gap between the windows and the front seat, he saw that he had a funny look on his face, and Jack wondered if he was gonna puke. Puke was gross, and he hoped he didn't.

When daddy pulled up to the house, he was super excited again. He had missed his dad all week, so he hurried inside as soon as daddy opened the door. Inside, he saw Spencer put his dad's jacket on one of the hooks and sit on the couch. He wondered why Spencer had his dad's coat, but he got distracted and instead ran to the sofa and jumped up to sit next to him.

"Are you guys hungry for dinner?" Daddy asked, and he nodded happily. His tummy had been rumbling during the ride.

"I want dino nuggets and Mac and Cheese...and Ketchup!" He said, making his dad laugh. Thinking Spencer didn't hear daddy's question, he tapped his shoulder. "Hey, do you wanna eat some Dino nuggets?" 

Spencer did a funny little jump when his hand touched his arm, but he had a small smile again.

"Sure...I like dinosaurs."

Jack brightened up.

"Me too, I know a lot of them...like the T-rex, triceratops, and the stegosaurus. ..hey, you know what? My favorite is S-spinosaurus!" He said happily. "I even got a stuffed one!... Do you have a favorite dinosaur?" 

"I like the Apatosaurus...hey did you know that while most illustrations of dinosaurs depict them as having scaly or thick, leathery skin similar to that of modern-day elephants, it was actually common for dinosaurs to have protofeathers or a feather-like covering."

Jack felt his mouth open in awe.

"WOW, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!" he shouted excitedly before turning to the kitchen where his dad was putting nuggets in the oven. He was very eager to share his newfound knowledge. "Daddy, did you hear Spencer? Some dinosaurs had feathers!!" 

"So I hear," his dad said, while he was making the mac and cheese. Satisfied, his dad now knew some had feathers he turned back to Spencer and began asking for more dinosaur facts. Spencer was super smart, and he was happy that Spencer was talking more.

After a bit, his tummy began growling even more, and he was really starting to get hungry. Thankfully his daddy called them to the dinner table and had their plates already served. He could tell daddy was tired because he didn't make anything else that took longer to cook.

Seeing that daddy forgot to put the ketchup on his plate, he grabbed the ketchup bottle and squirted a pretty big glob next to his nuggets. He could hear daddy let out a sigh, but he didn't get upset, so daddy was really..really tired.

Jack dipped a dinosaur into the ketchup and took a bite of the nugget. _'MmmmYUMMY!'_ he thought as he chewed. He really loved it when daddy made nuggets with mac and cheese. 

**….Spencer…**

Strange was an understatement of how he felt sitting at the table with Jack and Hotch eating Dinosaur nuggets. Not that he was picky about food! He just could have never envisioned this particular setting.

Looking at his plate, he felt a small bubble of excitement. Sure he had eaten chicken nuggets before, but these were different. They were in the shapes he always wanted to try as a kid. His mom had only let him get the regular ones because her sickness made her believe the shaped ones were made by the government to entice children and were tampered with. Now that he could finally try them, he was unsurprised that they tasted better than the ones he used to eat. He knew that psychologically he perceived them as better because of his long-desired want of them, but that didn't stop him from enjoying them. 

Deciding to use ketchup as well he saw Jack look at him in approval, and he couldn't help dramatically dunking one of his T-rex shaped nuggets into it headfirst. The big grin that came across Jack's face completely worth his childish action. Taking turns dunking their nuggets in funny ways, they eventually finished their meal.

Only then he realized Hotch had been watching him with a tired grin looking a lot like Jack. Flushing slightly, he helped him get the dishes rinsed and in the dishwasher. 

Dishes taken care of Hotch told him that he could use the guest room again while he got Jack ready for bed. From the room, he could hear their muffled laughs, and he smiled. 

Staying the night with both the Hotchners was turning out to not be as bad as he had originally thought. Jack hadn't seemed to be bothered by his presence and actually seemed to like talking to him. 

After changing into a light blue plaid pajama set, Penelope had gotten him for Christmas he put on his differing socks and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth for bed. It was already late, and the guest bed was looking more and more like a cloud in his sleep-deprived mind. Once done with his nightly routine, he exited the bathroom and was about to flip on the bedside lamp for the night when he heard a knock at the door. Knowing it was Hotch, he told him to come in and sat at the bed's edge.

Sure enough, Hotch came partway in the room looking more casual than Spencer had ever seen him with dark sweatpants and a faded and worn looking T-shirt.

"Jack is out like a light," The older man said with a soft laugh. "Thank you for keeping him entertained while I made dinner... He's really impressed with your dinosaur knowledge, you know."

"It's no problem.. I'm actually amazed he knows so much about them already! I may have to bring over some books next time on the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous Periods….N-not that I'm assuming you will invite me over again.." He blurted out, a slight blush making its way on his face in embarrassment over his automatic assumption.

"That sounds like a great idea..." Hotch agreed with the small smile tugging at his features. He looked like he was going to ask him something, but changed his mind and just walked over to Reid and patted his shoulder before going back to the open doorway. "I'll let you get some rest... It's been a long week...good night Spence." 

"Night.." He said softly as the door closed behind the other. Alone again, he clicked on the lamp's dim glow and got his bunny out of his bag before climbing into bed. The odd feeling he had was back again, but he was too tired to try and identify what it was. Hearing Hotch call him by one of his nicknames was always surprising even though he had already called him by it a few times before. It wasn't exactly the name that was surprising, it was the tone he used when using it with him. It was always soft, and not at all like how he talked to him at work. 

Despite his mind wanting to think further, he could already feel his exhaustion settling on him like a heavy blanket, and he allowed himself to be lulled to sleep. His bunny curled protectively in his arms, his final sleepy thoughts wondering if he should name the plushie after all. 

******Sometime that night******

He had been sleeping peacefully when he heard a faint noise. Opening burry sleep heavy eyes, he looked around the room. Seeing nothing out of place, he slowly sat up and reached for his phone on the nightstand. It was 4 am. Letting out a low groan, he debated if he should just curl up back in bed where the covers were warm and cocoon himself until it was a decent time to be awake. 

The idea was a valid one, and he was nearly under the covers again when he heard the same noise that woke him. Still drowsy but more awake, he got up and padded his sock-covered feet over to the door. Opening it slightly, he poked his head out and listened.

Hearing the sound again, he realized it was coming from Jack's room. Concerned, he quietly made his way to the door, and carefully peeked inside to see if he was okay. 

The young boy was lying in his small bed with his covers kicked off. His little face scrunched up in what was a clear sign of a nightmare. His small whimper confirming the littlest Hotchner was the source of the sound.

At the doorway, Spencer felt his heart rate pick up in anxiety. He wasn't sure what he should do. He walked over to Aarons's door but froze before he could raise his hand to knock. He knew Hotch was exhausted like he was, and he couldn't help feeling a bit nervous to wake him. He didn't think Hotch would be angry with him, but his brain's small irrational voice made him second guess himself.

Memories of him knocking on a familiar bedroom door only to be yelled at, made him wince as if he had been yelled at now.

He couldn't wake Hotch.

That only left him with two options. Go back to his room and try and pretend he hadn't heard anything, or go wake Jack and see if he could try and get him to calm down.

He looked at the still partly ajar door to the kid's room and instantly felt guilty for even considering ignoring him. 

Taking a moment to try and calm his racing heart, he quietly made his way back to the child's room and stepped inside. The room was colorfully decorated with a small triceratops nightlight casting a glow that lit up the room's side. A tall bookshelf stood at the side next to a big toy box.

Determined to not get distracted by the room's decoration, he crouched down by the bed and gently tapped the kid's arm. It was an awkward sort of pat. It was almost like how one would pet the head of a small puppy, but he really wasn't sure how he should wake the child. He was really nervous to even be in the room without permission, but he didn't want Jack to be scared.

When the other didn't wake up from the pats, he lightly shook his small arm, and finally, Jacks' little light brown eyes opened.

"D-daddy?" The little boy said sleepily, and Spencer swallowed nervously.

"Um..no Jack, it's Spencer...Y-your dad's sleeping, and I heard you have a bad dream...I figured I would check if you're okay?" He said softly, hoping his presence wouldn't startle the young boy even more. When Jacks's eyes teared up a bit, he became worried that he had made the wrong decision after all, but the small arms that quickly wrapped around his neck said otherwise. 

"Thank you, S-pencer!" The young boy said into his long hair as he hugged him, and Spencer gave him a gentle hug in return before carefully setting the child back in his bed. He reached down where the covers had been kicked off, and he covered the small kid back up in the warm blankets.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked, but Jack just shook his head. He already looked tired again.

"No...but I don't wanna go to sleep by m' self." 

He felt uncertain of what to do again and was gonna debate waking Hotch again when he looked at the bookshelf and had an idea.

"Um...Jack, how about I tell you a bedtime story?" That seemed to get the blonde's interest.

"Okay...what story?" Jacks' small voice asked before breaking into a soft yawn.

He looked to the bookshelf again and felt the uneasy feeling he got for entering Jack's room without Hotch's permission. He had already come and woke Jack, and he didn't want to potentially make Hotch upset by messing with the books, so that only gave him one other option. "Give me a moment, okay, I'll be right back," He told Jack before he quickly went to the guest room to get his book.

Once he got it, he went back to Jack's room and sat cross-legged on the carpet by his bed. 

"How does Peter Pan sound?" He asked, showing the cartoon cover of his book to Jack. 

"Yeah! I like Peter Pan!" Jack agreed happily as he looked at the cover. "Where did the book come from?"

"It's mine," He said with a small smile. He was glad that Jack liked the story because he really didn't have any other books with him.

"Um...So lay back, and I'll start reading okay?" He said, and Jack eagerly obeyed. His body snuggled under the covers with only his small blonde head sticking out.

"Wendy Darling, and her little brothers John, and little Michael, were restless. It was almost their bedtime, but they weren't sleepy at all…" 

As he read, he could see Jack's eyes get droopier and droopier until he finally closed them and was sound asleep. Once he was sure Jack wouldn't wake up again, he quietly closed the book and got up from the floor. 

With one last look at the sleeping child, he exited the room and softly closed the door behind him. It was already almost five, and he was glad they didn't have work in the morning.

Going to the kitchen, he got a drink of water before heading back to the guest bedroom. He was still exhausted, and reading from his book had made him tired as well. 

After putting his book back in his bag he climbed into the warm bed to get some much-needed sleep.

 _"I think I'll call you Haron.."_ He thought as he drifted off to sleep. His newly named bunny snuggled in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delayed update. I have been having a rough time lately and hadn't had much time to write. I am working on the next chapter, so hopefully, I will be posting again soon.
> 
> As you all know by now, I'm a music inspired person, so for this chapter the song "paradise" By: Coldplay (My mind replaced the gender pronouns in the lyrics )
> 
> Not every chapter is song inspired, but I do occasionally use music to influence my writing!


	6. Chapter 6

****

*****Hotch******

**_BEEP...BEEP...BEEP_ ** **…**

Aaron groaned into his pillow in tired aggravation. The noise hurt his head, but the alarm on his phone had no care for his pain and continued to chime shrilly for him to get up and start his day. 

It took a few moments, and another loud groan into his pillow, but he eventually untangled himself from his covers. His first priority was to silence his alarm. Grabbing his phone from the nightstand he pressed the button to end the alarm while he yawned tiredly.

It was 7 am on the weekend, and as inviting as sleeping in felt, he was already awake, and Jack would be up soon and hungry for breakfast. Come to think of it, he was hungry himself after their quick dinner last night. 

Standing up from his bed, he took a moment to stretch while dutifully ignoring the multiple cracks and pops his back gave before going to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Once he had taken care of his morning needs, he dressed and took an Advil before the throbbing in his temples became a full-blown headache. He would also be skipping his morning run today to allow his body more time to relax.

On his way to the kitchen, he stopped to check on Jack to see him still fast asleep. His little leg dangling part way off the bed as he clutched his pillow under his head. The scene was adorable, and he savored the view happily. Moments like these were precious to him, and he really was grateful to have met Haley regardless of how things between them ended up working out. Without Jack, he wouldn't have known the joy that came with being a father. His little boy truly was the best of them both. Pulling himself away from his son's doorway, he wandered further down the hall. Stopping once more by the guest room. He had no intention to wake Spencer since he needed all the rest he could get, but the door was slightly ajar, and he wondered if the other was already up. 

Usually, he was good about respecting privacy, but seeing as it was his house and the door was open, he couldn't help his curiosity, and he risked a quick look inside. 

Curled up in the middle of the guest bed, Spencer was still sleeping soundly. His long hair looking like a bird's nest with how much it was sticking up—the gray bunny lying by his pillow with its long ears dangling precariously off the bed's side.

The sight was undeniably...cute...and he had to force a laugh down so he wouldn't wake him. It really was starting to become a usual sight for Hotch to see Reid with his comfort plushie, and it was a good sign that the younger man was allowing himself to truly relax in both his presence and within his home.

  
  


Curiosity sated, he didn't intrude on Spencer's privacy any longer, and he quietly shut the door.

  
  


Finally, in the kitchen, he began making breakfast. His usual routine adjusted to start the food first before brewing the coffee. Aaron didn't want to risk waking up the coffee addict in the guest room. Honestly, the scent was like a siren call to him.

The morning sunlight was beginning to fill the kitchen in a nice warm glow, and Hotch found himself humming comfortably as he took out the eggs and bacon. While gathering his ingredients, he also noted that the fridge was looking a little sparse. 

He would need to go grocery shopping today.

********Jack******

Jack was having a really cool dream about flying when he began smelling something yummy. The clouds in his dream morphing into giant marshmallows before fading away as he slowly woke up. 

Yawning, he rubbed his eyes with his fists and sat up, his tummy letting out a growl.

_"Daddy is making breakfast!"_

Feeling hungry, he wiggled his way out from under the warm blankets and quickly out of bed. He wanted to go to the kitchen already, but he ran to the bathroom first since he had just got up. 

After using the bathroom and washing his hands 'like his daddy always told him to' he jumped down from his red stepping stool and made his way downstairs to see his dad. It wasn't a school day, so he stayed in his pajamas. 

In the kitchen, his daddy was at the stove, cooking eggs and bacon. It smelled really, really good!

"G' morning, daddy!" He chirped happily as he climbed into his favorite seat at the kitchen table. His dad's humming stopped as he made a funny noise in surprise; before he turned to him, he had a big smile.

"Well, you're up earlier than I thought...you ready breakfast?"

"Yes!...oh wait, where's Spencer?" Jack said suddenly as he looked around and realized he hadn't seen the tall man when he passed the living room. 

"He's still asleep. I was going to let him rest a little longer, but I'm sure once I finish making coffee, he'll show up." His daddy said as he began putting some bread in the toaster.

"Oh, okay." He said a bit sadly. He couldn't help feeling a little down that Spencer wasn't up yet. He wondered if Spencer was tired because he was awake last night reading him a story.

He was still a little confused about why Spencer woke him up and not his daddy, but he was glad he did because the dream had been about the bad guys trying to hurt his dad and those dreams were always scary. 

"Hey... what's wrong, kiddo..you're really quiet this morning?" His dad asked as he finally started the coffee maker.

"I had a bad dream...last night," Jack admitted. 

Hearing that, he frowned, and after taking the food off the stove's heat, he went to sit by Jack at the table. 

"Was it like last time?" His daddy asked softly, and Jack felt himself nod sadly.

"Y-yeah…"

"Oh buddy..come here." his dad said; he pulled him into a warm hug. Jack loved his dad's hugs. They always made him feel better after he had bad dreams. If anyone could scare the monsters away, it was his dad. He was a real-life superhero that stopped bad guys and saved people every day.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" His dad asked, and it was true Jack usually did wake his daddy when he had a bad dream if he hadn't heard him, but last night Spencer had woken him instead. 

Thinking about last night reminded him about Spencer's story, he was suddenly excited again.

"Oh, Spencer woke me up!" He said happily.

His dad had a confused look at his outburst, but when he explained how Spencer woke him up and asked him if he was okay before reading him a bedtime story, his dad's face turned all happy again. He also mentioned how Spencer read from his own book, and his dad smiled so big all his teeth showed, and Jack couldn't help giggling at it.

"Well, I'm happy Spencer helped you." His dad said when he was done talking and ruffled his hair. "Speaking of him, I think he'll be waking up any moment now." His dad said as he went to pour two coffee cups.

********Spencer********

Meanwhile, in the guest room, the morning light behind the curtains cast the bed and room in a warm glow.

The scent of coffee was indeed what woke Spencer as he sat up in bed. He still felt like he could sleep longer, but his mind was already becoming more conscious with each second, so he reluctantly got out of bed and went to take a quick shower since he had been too tired too when they got back. His skin felt gross and sticky like it had a film of grime from the past few days, and he was more than eager to scrub himself till he was sure all residue of the case in Colorado was gone.

However, in his rush to get clean, he forgot he didn't have a change of clothes other than his pajamas with him. It wasn't until he was nearly done with the shower that the realization hit him, and he let out a curse in frustration. Thankfully with the noise of the running shower, he didn't think anyone heard him. Typically his go bag with an extra change of clothes was always taken with him on cases, but he had been distracted the day he left for the case and forgot it, and after they returned home, he hadn't been in the right mindset to remember retrieving his emergency bag from the BAU. All he currently had with him was his sweaty and grimy clothes and the pair of pajamas he used last night. The only reason the pajamas were even there, to begin with, was that he had left them at Hotch’s from the last time he stayed over.

_'Shit... It's not like I can wear the clothes from yesterday, but If I wear pajamas, Hotch will know I forgot my bag.'_

While Hotch might not mind driving him to the BAU to retrieve his bag, he shuddered at the mental image of him walking into the building in nightclothes. No, doing that was hardly professional and practically unthinkable. Not to mention leaving the house in Pajamas with Hotch would probably make the man uncomfortable considering his neighbors could potentially get the wrong idea about the two.

He was running over several scenarios of what to do when the shower's gradually cooling spray became cold enough that it chilled him right out his thoughts. Quickly he finished rinsing and stepped out of the shower to dry off on one of the towels folded on the shelf.

Cold but now considering if he should just go downstairs in his pajamas, he was startled again by Hotch knocking on the bathroom door. The sudden sound startled him so much he knocked the soap dish off the sink's counter, causing it to clatter on the floor loudly. His face felt hot with embarrassment as he heard Hotch's concerned voice ask if he was alright, and he barely managed to shudder out a quick _'fine_!'. The older man's tone didn't sound that convinced, but he just told him that breakfast was ready before he left.

_'Damn it!... Why can't I go for five minutes without being so awkward!'_

He thought as he moodily pulled his pajamas back on and picked up the fallen soap dish. He didn't even spare himself a glance in the mirror as he rushed to tame his damp hair. Once he was mostly presentable, he went downstairs. He could hear Jack chatting happily with his dad about something related to a cartoon when he finally entered the dining room. 

"Morning, Spencer!" Jack exclaimed happily as he speared some scrambled eggs with his fork. 

"Good morning," Hotch also said in greeting as he pointed to his spot where a plate already was along with a fresh steaming coffee cup. 

The relaxed feel of both Hotchner's greetings helped calm his nervousness, and he gave a good morning of his own before he took his seat. The food smelt great, but his primary focus was getting caffeine into his system and soon. Spencer practically lived and breathed the stuff. Ever since College, he was practically perpetually tired, and a day without caffeine was not a pleasant one.

Not to mention four days caffeine-free had him practically begging for a cup. So, to say the least, he was really looking forward to the hot beverage. 

Hotch clearly anticipated his caffeine craving, judging by the three packs of sugar and two creamer packages next to his cup. It was no secret to anyone on the team that Hotch didn't approve of the amount of sugar he usually had in his cups. He had even, 'famously' as Penelope called it, told Spencer he was "drinking sugar water at this point" when he saw him once use 6 packs of sugar in the breakroom. Considering how many cups he could drink in a day when unsupervised, it is quite a significant amount of sugar. 

So it was rather reluctantly that he only used the packs he was given. He also didn't miss the look Hotch gave him when he wistfully glanced at the drawer he knew held more sugar packets in the kitchen. Once his coffee was sweetened, _'if you can call this sweet,'_ he took a sip and enjoyed the warm rush the drink gave him. Aside from the more pronounced bitterness of the drink, he felt significantly better already. The liquid pleasantly warmed his insides, and after a few more drinks, the plate before him wasn't as appetizing as before. It still looked delicious, but he didn't feel as hungry as he did when he first came into the dining room. He wasn't sure he would be able to finish it all. Of course, he didn't want to be rude and waste the hard work put into making the meal, so he set aside his cup to begin eating what he could. He may not be able to fish the plate, but he had had enough practice having dinner with Morgan to know how to move food around his plate to make it appear he ate more than he did. 

*****************

The rest of the breakfast went by comfortably as they ate. The Hotchners finished thankfully soon since they had begun eating before joining them, and he set his fork down with them beside his carefully rearranged plate. He was about to stand to help Hotch wash the dishes when Jack pulled his pajama sleeve.

"Thank you for reading to me! I didn't even have bad dreams after!" 

"Oh...um, your welcome.." He said while casting a nervous look to Hotch in the kitchen. The man hadn't even stopped washing dishes, and he couldn't help the anxious feeling building inside from the lack of reaction. 

"I'm gonna go help your dad with dishes, okay?" He managed to say evenly and moved to carry his and Jack's plate to the kitchen. Jack wasn't bothered by his quick exit to the kitchen and ran into the living room. The sound of morning cartoons filling the home shortly after.

  
  


In the kitchen, he emptied the remains of food into the trash before walking over to the sink, where Hotch took the dishes and began washing them. The older man hadn't even uttered a word as he cleaned, and despite his nerves yelling at him to leave the room, he ended up helping dry the dishes before quietly asking, "Are you mad at me?"

His sudden question finally made Hotch turn from the sink and look at him fully. His dark brows furrowed in the same way it always did when he was analyzing something or, in this case, someone.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"I...um went into Jack's room without permission." He said, and when Hotch continued to stare at him, he quickly added. "He was having a nightmare, and I know some studies suggest that nightmares reduce psychological tensions by letting the brain act out its fears, but recent research suggests that nocturnal torments are more likely to increase anxiety in waking life."

Hotch's eyebrows raised at his ramble, but before he could continue, the man held up his hand to stop him.

"Spencer, I'm not upset with you, Jack already told me this morning."

"But I didn't get your permission?" He said weakly.

"Did you enter his room with any negative intentions?" Hotch questioned as he leaned against the counter. His piercing sights solely focused on Spencer's quickly paling face.

"What no!" He said quickly. The question was enough to make him feel nauseous. Judging by Hotch's sudden expression change into something less intense indicated he definitely noticed as well.

"Then there is nothing to be upset about Spence...You just wanted to help him sleep, and for that, Thank you." He said and stretched a hand out to clasp his shoulder in a comforting gesture. The warmth of his hand caused his tension to almost immediately lessen.

"Now I have to go run some errands today. Would you like to Join Jack an I?" Aaron asked, and he felt himself wince.

"Um...I wouldn't mind, but I actually forgot my go-bag at the BAU when we got back…"

"No worries, I'm sure I have some clothes that will fit so you can borrow some of mine, and when we get done, I'll swing by the BAU before dropping you off at your apartment. "Hotch said casually as he directed Spencer to follow him to his room.

Too shocked by the offer to say anything, he just followed Hotch. Passing through the hallway into his boss's bedroom felt somewhat like he was intruding, but he couldn't help taking in his surroundings. The deep navy covers of the bed, light grey walls, and dark furniture definitely matched the man they belonged to. It was tidy like his office, and there was a bookshelf filled with books that were definitely used by the look of their spines. The only thing that was a little surprising was that on the wall by his closet were several colorful drawings obviously drawn by his son that were tacked up. It was sweet, and they had to be very sentimental to Aaron.

"Here, I think these should fit you well enough." 

Hotch said as he pulled a bundle of garments from his closet. Taking the clothes offered to him, he thanked him and excused himself to go change.

Once he was back in the guestroom, he closed the door and began to get dressed in the clothes he was given. The selection he was given did actually fit even if they were loose around his shoulders. The black sweatpants and FBI sweater were also pleasantly comfortable with their fleece lining, but it was the last two items that stirred up some emotions he wasn't sure how to handle.

Because on the bed lay a mismatched pair of wool socks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like apologizing for the delayed update is getting repetitive, but I do apologize nonetheless. Unfortunately, this delay was due to an extended family member of mine passing due to COVID. I was in a difficult mindset, and I am trying to go back to my rhythm of typing again. 
> 
> This story will not be abandoned, I have many plans for it, however, my update schedule is not set. I will simply continue to try my best to update as soon as I am able.


	7. Chapter 7

*******Hotch**********

After Jack was dressed for town, Hotch grabbed his keys and pressed the button to start up the vehicle so it would be warm when they were ready to go. The recent rain showers really did make mornings colder, and he did not think Jack and Spencer would enjoy cold seats in his van. The chill in the air was enough for him to tell jack to wear one of his beanie hats, and on that same train of thought, he quickly went back to his room and grabbed an extra cotton hat from his for Spencer. 

Finally, ready to go, he went downstairs and saw Spencer already dressed and talking to a very excited Jack, and he thankfully caught the tail end of what seemed to be a fascinating conversation about breakfast cereal.

"Oh, I Looove Lucky Charms!! I hope we buy those again! What is your favorite cereal?" Jack asked, and he heard Spencer mutter something. 

"What??" Jack asked, his face scrunched in confusion.

"Um...I like Trix…" Spencer repeated after clearing his throat.

"Spencer!... But Trix are for KIDS!!" 

"No"

"YES!"

"Nope!"

"Yepp!"

"Spencer!"

"Jack!" Spencer ended with an amused smirk before sticking his tongue out at his son, who was laughing up a storm. 

Aaron almost rolled his eyes at their silliness but instead went and opened the door for them.

Reid was the first one out, and he once again didn't ask before plopping the hat quickly onto the younger man's head. This method seemed to be working so far as he only got a "hey" instead of the cap being tossed back to him. It appeared to be a good morning so far, and he hoped Spencer would relax more before he had to drop him off.

***************Spencer*****

After getting over the shock of seeing the mismatched socks, Spencer had felt his mood brighten for the better. Hotch really had no reason to give him two different pairs, but the fact that he cared enough to do so was very appreciated. It had made not only his feet warm, but a warmth had settled over his chest. 

The feeling remained as he went downstairs to wait with Jack and only increased when Hotch non-ceremoniously plopped a beanie onto his head. Gestures like these done with little thought always threw him for a loop, and the great thing about Hotch was that he didn't exactly ask to do the nice gestures he just did. Now, this might seem intrusive to some, and even to him sometimes, but Aaron just had a sixth sense and never overstepped the invisible barrier he had around him that made him uncomfortable.

Aside from his contemplation of his boss's kindness, the trip to the store was surprisingly short and pleasant. He had offered to push the cart for them as they gathered the groceries needed and even joined them in superficial chatter as they roamed the idles. He even controlled his surprised expression when he saw Aaron add some very familiar snacks to his cart.

_"So, he was the one putting those on my desk!"_

Once they were done shopping, he helped load up the van, and they swung by the BAU so he could get his bag. Thankfully, the quick trip to his locker did not earn him any strange glances, even if he was dressed differently than usual. All tasks completed, Hotch then drove to his apartment to drop him off. It was already a little afternoon, and even though he had been offered to get lunch with them, he had to reluctantly decline. As much as he enjoyed the company of the Hotchners, he still had responsibilities of his own that he had been neglecting. He had been away from his apartment far too long, and he needed to go through his mail and get rid of any food that had gone bad in his refrigerator. 

When they pulled up to the apartments, he said his goodbyes and waved as they left. It really was a nice morning. Taking a deep breath of the chilly air, he made his way towards his apartment and fiddled with his keys for a moment before going inside. The quietness a stark difference compared to Jack's loud voice in the van. 

Pulling the cap further over his ears, he began his task of straightening up everything that had been askew when he had left. It was impressive how many letters he had received during his time away as he had gathered a rather sizable stack of envelopes and magazines. That being said, his mail consisted mostly of bills and some new psychology articles, and one letter from his mother. Setting aside her envelope to open up first, he made his way into the kitchen to clean out his fridge. Considering most of what went bad was in takeout containers, the cleaning process had been quick to bag up for the next trash day. This process continued in each room until everything was as it should be. Finally done, he sat down on his couch and opened his mother's letter to read. Diana's softly curled script bringing a half-smile to his face as she recounted interesting things that had happened during her day and her responses to his last letter. He really missed her and wanted to visit her as soon as he could get some time off. He just hoped that when he did get to visit, she wasn't caught up in an episode and could speak for some time. Thinking of her gave him a sense of loneliness again, and he pulled his legs up onto his couch and grabbed a throw blanket to wrap around him. The blanket was comforting as it used to be her's from their old home. The warmth of the blanket and the borrowed clothing felt like the ghost of a hug he wanted right now.

Picking up his phone, he shot a quick text to Hotch before making a call to his mom. He really wanted to hear her voice and to tell her how he has been doing. He would leave out the parts that might stress her, but thankfully this time, he had more positive things to talk about, like how he had convinced Jack to buy Trix cereal at the store today.

******************Hotch*******

He was in the kitchen putting a pizza in the oven when he heard his phone go off. Making sure to set the timer on the oven, he washed his hands before grabbing his phone from the counter. His screen lit up with a message from Spencer.

_'Thanks for everything.'_

_'Anytime Spence… :) '_


	8. Chapter 8

**_*A few weeks later *_ **

***Spencer***

"I'm telling you she was oh so very fine...at least until she proceeded to barf all over my shoes," Morgan said with a drawn-out sigh. 

"Hmm, the excessive consumption of alcohol leading to a failed romantic encounter...how unfortunate..." Spencer said with a roll of his eyes. His snarky comment earning him a light smack to the back of his head from Derek, who was currently leaning against his desk. 

"At least I had the potential of a romantic encounter..when was the last time you went out on the prowl, pretty boy?" 

"I don't prowl, and clubs are not exactly my scene." He said without looking away from the paperwork he was typing out. "Besides, do you really want to know the statistics of your encounter?" 

"Oh, shut up, big brain!" Morgan chided with an amused huff. "Now, why don't you stop all that work for a while and let's go to the break room and get a bite to eat? I'm starving!"

"Why don't you ask Rossi or someone to go with you? I'm trying to finish up…"

"Oh, you already know how I enjoy your company; besides, I picked up two amazing sub sandwiches from that place downtown. I am not letting the second go to waste when I ordered it the way you like!" As if to emphasize his point, he raised up the lunch bag that he had beside him that Spencer hadn't noticed when the other ambushed him and interrupted his work.

"Ugh...Fine," Spencer said, only slightly irritated at Morgan's persistence. 

Following him to the breakroom, he took the offered sandwich and sat at the table across from him. The sub did smell really good, and after a moment, he began eating as well. He hadn't realized how hungry he was until a few bites in, and it seemed like everything went into autopilot, and he finished half of the sandwich really quickly before slowing down to more regular bites. He spent some time enjoying his lunchtime chatting with Derek, but it wasn't long before he was returning to his desk to finish his paperwork.

Despite the emotional fluctuations he has been experiencing lately, he didn't want any of his work to reflect his emotional state. Perhaps he was overcompensating for how he felt by being over-critical of his work, but it was the only thing he felt he could control. Besides, he also wanted to make sure he was caught up with everything since he would be spending the rest of the week, including the weekend, visiting his mother. He was excited since he had been given the all-clear to take some days off and visit her. Hotch had even seemed to pick up on his good mood and had assured him the team could manage without him for a few days. 

Once he was finished with his work, he quickly said his goodbyes before heading to his car. He had already packed for his trip that morning so there was no delay before heading to the airport. This trip was a familiar one that he has taken many times so he didn't really have any anxiety as he went through the motions. After registering he had a few minutes to spare so he grabbed a coffee from the Starbucks within the airport and downed the drink quickly as he waited. 

Finally, his flight was called, and he was on his way.

***Las Vegas Nevada***

***Spencer***

"Hi Edith, I'm here to visit my mother; I called ahead; is she still able to have visitors?"

"Yes, she is doing well today Spencer, just sign here, and you can go on ahead through those doors." The kind receptionist said as he signed his name on the paper before him. It was always pleasant talking to Edith, and while her hair was more grey than brown now days, she always had the kindest smile. It was one of those that reached the eyes and warmed her whole expression.

Once past the doors, he quickly found his mother sitting by the windows overlooking a tree outside. She looked cozy in her favorite large cardigan and as he approached he could see her gaze was focoused on watching some small birds on a feeder. 

"Hey Mom, how are you doing today?" He said once he reached her. Her smile when she turned to him was blinding, and he quickly embraced her in a hug. In her warm arms he felt his whole body relax, and he couldn't resist returning her smile just as brightly.

"Oh, Spencer, honey, I didn't know you were here already I hadn't realized it was three. Come sit with me. Tell me how you've been doing. It's not the same hearing how you been through letters instead of having you here with me."

"I've been doing all right, just very busy with work lately, Morgan has been a pain as usual, and Garcia has added some raspberry lollipops to her stash. " Spencer said with a half smile. He may have glazed past the difficulties he has been through lately, but it didn't seem nessesary to bring up when she looked so happy. 

"That's good to hear, though I see you still haven't been eating nearly enough; my goodness Spencer you're far too thin. "

"Mom, I'm fine. I ate before I came here." He shrugged before letting out an embarrassed laugh." You don't have to bring it up every time I visit." 

"I wouldn't have to if you listened to me," Diana said with a small sigh. "You really need to start taking care of yourself more, son."

Becoming slightly irritated about where the topic was going he quickly changed the subject. "How are things here, mom? I heard you had started painting on the weekends with some of the other ladies."

"Yes, I have, but it's more so that they do not get concerned I'm not being too 'anti-social.'" She said with air quotes. "I think it's just so they can keep trying to get information out of my artwork."

He grimaced at her response slightly but kept a positive expression as he redirected their conversation again. This was the thing about his mother; he greatly enjoyed his conversations with her, but sometimes her illness seeped in, and it made him uncomfortable. After all, having grown up with her, it wasn't a surprise her schizophrenia was one of the biggest fears he had for himself. Diana Reid is an intense, kind, and educated woman. It truly was a shame how her disease stripped her of who she was and left her a shell of her old self.

After a few hours of talking and enjoying each other's company the end of visiting hours was soon approaching and he had to wrap up his visit for the day. Not wanting to say goodbye, but knowing he had to leave, he gave her a big hug and promised to see her tomorrow.

Everything had been going wonderful during the visit, but he should have sensed when something had shifted while he pulled away from her arms. He hadn't noticed when a new staff member had come up behind him to remind him of the time. It could have been something insignificant but whatever Diana saw in the man's expression sparked something in her as she immediately became stiff with anger and started ranting.

"Miss Reid, I'm taking over for Abigail today; she had a family emergency she had to attend to. I know I'm the night shift, but I promise you everything is all right." The young man calmly explained, his hands outstretched in a calming gesture. Diana however was already getting too riled up and her yells where increasing in volume and alerting other staff members. 

"N-No Your not supposed to be here! Your not!" Diana repeated frantically, a mad look in her eye as she suddenly leaped forward to attack the man. Thankfully Spencer had noticed her body stance changing in time to step infront of her and grab her, but while he tried to prevent her causing harm to the staff it meant he now had his arms full of his angry mother, who was clawing and scratching to try and get out of his arms. Not wanting to hurt her he could only wait till the other staff members where able to get her sedative and take over. Hands around her he tried to talk her down from whatever delusion she was having.

"Mom, no...stop it,... It's okay...everything is okay, please stop!" He shouted as he tried to reason, but Diana was already too far in her delusion. She couldn't hear him. He didn't even see recognition in her eyes as she clawed at him and yelled. Her face read with anger, as she kicked and yanked to get away. It felt like it took forever for the other staff members to reached them, but they eventually gave her an Aripiprazole injection. Now pumped full of the drug she slumped back and was pulled away from him. In her clutched hands where several of his long strands of hair.

Standing still in shock of what had just happened, he watched her slowly calm down. The red from her face fading before some clarity returned to her eyes. It was oddly fascinating how he could see the exact moment the confusion hit her and had her furrowing her brows.

"W-what...Spencer honey, what happened to your face?" She asked in groggy voice, but he didn't have words to answer. He just forced himself out of whatever held him in place before quickly turning to leave. He didn't even stop to address Edith's concerned voice as he took off and went straight to the hotel he was staying at nearby. He knew his mother had been having quite a few episodes recently, but he hadn't experienced one this violent in a long time. 

He hadn't even realized he had started crying until his face began stinging from his tears falling over the scratches on his face. The skin if his cheek burning from where his mother clawed him. Entering his hotel room he slammed the door behind him before sliding down onto the floor. The fact that someone probably saw him crying didn't even matter to him as he pulled his knees to his chest. Alone he could let out the sobs that had been trapped within his chest. He wept for his mother's illness and her suffering. He wept for how he reacted, and he wept because but it scared him that one day he could be in the same place she was. Unable to function normally or trust his own mind some days. The thought that he was looking at his future when he saw her was horrifying.

He was on the floor for quite some time before he finally composed himself enough to stand. Going over to the bed to sit he noticed the light outside had grown dark. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out his phone, and took several deep breaths to steady himself before dialing the number to Bennington.

_"H-Hi...Edith?...Um, it's Spencer again...Yeah, I'm alright...Um, can I speak to my mother for a moment... It'll be quick...Thank you.."_

_Nervously he bit his lip and waited for his mother's voice to come over the line. "Spencer, it's so late for you to be calling..is everything alright?"_

_"Y-yeah, everything is great, mom; I had a good time visiting with you today, but I'm actually calling to let you know a case came up, and I won't be able to visit the next few days like I planned... I'm sorry…"_

_"Oh...That's okay, Spencer...Do you know when you'll be able to come again?"_

_"I'm not sure, but I'll let you know...I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

After he hung up, he had to choke back another sob as more tears blurred his eyes. The grip on his phone tightening before he angrily tossed it onto the bed. He could tell from her voice she didn't remember attacking him. He could visit, but if he did, he would have to make up an excuse for his face, and he couldn't bring himself to lie to her like he used to. Diana hadn't lashed out physically with him for a few years now, but today had really shaken him.

Resigning himself to spend the next three days in the hotel room, he made his way to the bathroom to examine his face. Reaching out he Flipped on the light switch, and looked into the mirror. The sight of his face causing him to cringe as he spotted three long scratches on the left side of his face—one scratch just under his eye and the other two on his cheek and jaw. The one near his eye being the deepest one where her nail dug in.

They wouldn't be entirely healed in three days. 

_"How do I even cover this up?"_ He thought bitterly as he considered what he could say to explain his face. The thought of trying to hide something like this had his gut-twisting and nausea hit him like a freat train and had him quickly over the toilet vomiting what little he had in his stomach. His thoughts migrating to the story Morgan told him, except his reason for getting ill was not alcohol-related and not even slightly funny. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've returned with another update. I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their weekend.
> 
> [Edit: I realized today that in my rush to post yesterday I posted the wrong copy of this chapter and not the finished version with less errors. My apologies. This is the more edited version with minimal changes.]


	9. Chapter 9

*****Spencer******

"Kid, what in the world happened to your face!?" Morgan all but shouted as soon as he walked into the bullpen. Fighting back a sigh, Spencer pushed past Derek to get to his desk. "Got into a fight with my hairbrush." He said bluntly. He was not in the mood to explain what had happened. He nearly didn't come into work today, and he was already regretting not staying home as Morgan frowned and followed him to his desk.

"Right because you brush your face instead of your head?.. C'mon, man, I don't even got hair, and I know how to use a brush!" Morgan said, trying to lighten up the tension radiating off Reid, but it only seemed to irritate the young profiler more.

"Just lay off, alright!" He snapped as he sat at his down. Angrily he opened his bag and tossed the files he was working onto his desk haphazardly. His demeanor closed off and abrasive. He wasn't even attempting to cover up his attitude anymore as his raised voice got several eyes drawn his way. The attention making him slouch over even more. His hair falling over his face as he attempted to hide himself from anyone wanting to stare.

"Okay, man...sorry, I'll talk to you later then?.." Morgan said hesitantly but having not gotten a response, he awkwardly walked away. 

He knew Derek was concerned for him, but he couldn't bring himself to apologize right now. Not when he was using all of his willpower to prevent himself from breaking down again. Flipping through the files infront of him he glanced to his right and saw a bag of goldfish crackers. He was hungry, but he was sure that if he ate it would turn rancid in his mouth.

********Morgan******

Deciding to join Garcia for a while, he tried to shake off the uneasy feeling he felt about Spencer. 

"Hey, my Dark Knight, what's all that yelling about?" Penelope asked curiously. Her blonde head tilting in greeting as she worked. Letting out a long exasperated breath he took a seat next to her and watched her manicured nails flying over the keyboard, typing some sort of code. Today her hair was looking pretty and interesting with quite a few hair clips in different colors. As usual she was not afraid to show off her eccentric side and it was one of many reasons why he loved her.

"I don't know, baby girl...Spencer is in a bad mood today... I'm not sure what happened, but his face is all scratched up, and it's not from no damn hairbrush!"

"Oh gosh does he need a bandaid? she asked in concern, one hand already reaching for her very large and blinged out bag. 

"No, they don't look that fresh...besides, I don't think he wants to talk to anyone right now…" he said rubbing a hand over his face. " I tried to ask him what happened, but he basically told me to take a hike.."

"Well...I don't have to ask him anything to get results...just watch me chocolate thunder!" She said with a devious grin before taking off towards where Spencer was sulking.

Feeling like this was a very bad idea, he quickly followed her at a distance. To his stunned amazement she approached Spencer without fear and began talking to him in a hushed tone. The woman even had the guts to pluck one of her hair clips from her hair and place it into the kids hair after she rearranged his bangs. Surprisingly Reid let her before continuing whatever he was doing. If his jaw could unhinge and hit the floor, he was sure it would have and he was sure Garcia noticed because she rolled her eyes as she walked back over to him.

"What in the world was that?"

"What...oh, that was me not snooping. I offered to help hide the scratches behind his hair." She said with a sad knowing look. "He may not want to talk about what's wrong, but I dont think he should have to feel uncomfortable with people looking at them." She said before patting his arm and returning to her technical domain. Her dark green clip now with a new owner.

Standing there for few moments longer he considered her words before shaking his head and leaving. He had his own paper work to attend to after all. _"That woman can sure be a miracle worker.."_

************Hotch******

After the morning incident, he had watched Spencer periodically throughout the day with a contemplative expression. They didn't have a new case assigned yet, so things were slower than usual, and with this downtime he was able to keep an eye on the young profiler. That being said he noticed when Spencer hadn't moved from his desk all day. Aside from a bathroom break he hadn't left his desk for anything since the morning. He just kept his head down and was focused on his paperwork. He would have thought Spencer would be in the same good mood when he returned from his trip, but it seemed to have the opposite effect on him. The drastic change from when he last saw him had Aaron worried.

The worry only increased as the day began to drag on and eventually he and Spencer ended up being the last two left that evening. After he closed up his office to leave he was finally able to approach Reid without other people around. As he walked over to him to tell him to go home and get some rest he paused mid step when Spencer flinched. 

Aaron felt his blood go cold at that flinch, and he carefully turned Spencer's chair so he could look at him fully. 

"What happened to your face?" He asked in shock when he took in the long red scratches on the others cheek as well as his pinched expression. The scratches didnt look too terrible or fresh, but they had a angry pink hue around them as if they had been irritated. Baced on the others expression alone he was unsurprised when his question seemed to anger Spencer, who tried to pull away. Hotch's hold on the chair however was firm.

"Not you too!... Just leave me the hell alone, okay?" Reid snapped. Clearly pissed he wouldn't let him pull away, and Aaron briefly wondered if he would get punched before realization seemed to hit the other that he essentially told off his boss, and Spencer turned beet red before stuttering out a faint apology.

"It's okay, Spence... I'm not upset...but I can clearly see you are...I won't ask what happened." He said calmly as he leveled his gaze with the others wary eyes. "However I did want to offer for you to stay over at my place again if you like. I may not be able to help with whatever is going on...but I can at least offer you dinner and some company." 

After a moment, Spencer nodded, and he stepped back to allow him to get his bag and follow him out the door. He could tell in Spencer's body language that his offers to come over were making his home a safe space, and he didn't mind. He and Rossi had discussed how he could help give Reid a sense of stability in his life when things get complicated. He wanted Spencer to feel safe and talk to him. He didnt want him to force himself to bottle things up inside. 

*******

The ride to his home was quiet. The silence only broken when Hotch asked what Spencer would like for dinner. Since the other had no solid suggestions, he decided to just reheat yesterday's leftovers when of spaghetti and meatballs. There was plenty left since he had made too much when Jack was last over. So when they reached his home, dinner was a quick preparation and just as quiet an affair as the car ride had been. Keeping true to his word, he did not push Spencer for details. It was only when they were sitting on the couch watching a nature documentary that Spencer finally spoke. 

"You know...She didn't mean to do it…" He said quietly. Eyes not moving from the television though he could tell Spencer wasn't really seeing what was on the screen. "I had just got there, and everything had been great...but there was a change in her schedule, and she lost it again…"

The clarity of what had happened to Spencer was suddenly apparent, and he felt his chest constrict with emotion over what Diana had most likely unknowingly done to her son.

"You would think after all this time, it wouldn't bother me anymore...She always believes when I say I bumped into something..she even had a nickname for it...called me Crash….God and I couldn't even bring myself to visit her the rest of the time I was there." 

And that was the last of what he listened to before he turned Spencer to face him. The sad puffy eyes and scratches looking back at him made him imagine them on a smaller face, and he internally mourned for how much his mother's disease had stolen from both her and her son. Diana may not have known when she was hurting her son, but the effects of trauma and abuse were clear as day with how the young man fought to try and keep his lower lip from trembling. 

"You shouldn't have to be used to something like that, Spence." He said sadly as he pulled the other into his side and embraced him. The younger man's head resting on his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Edit: as stated in previous chapter notes. Appologies again for posting the version if this chapter that was not fully edited and complete. Some changes made, but nothing major.]


End file.
